Wow.... I'm sorry that this gathering went this way and that the bullying of one of the two speakers was so pronounced. And I'm sorry that even though many realized there was a problem, no one quite knew how to take the reigns and redirect (and silence the small group). Thinking through how to proactively engage or deflect, as you are doing here, is a good idea. I have the feeling though that the kind of problem you encountered wouldn't have been redirected or silenced even with a whole can of well-thought and confident lines. I agree that calling out these scenarios, again and again, and the ways in which we do often sit and wonder if it's our job to intercede is an important way to have and reinforce these conversations. As for having experienced mansplaining in general.... raising my hand.
You are right, Amy. I think this particular group was not inclined to be dissuaded. But I hope to get good enough at the diplomatic approaches that I can easily move on to more pointed options when needed. And, if we are ALL ready to chime in (men included), maybe the message will make its mark more readily. Thanks so much for your comment.
This was so insightful and husband and self had an excellent discussion about it because he currently works with more women than men and wants those staff to always feel respected and heard.
Mansplaining is just downright bullying and there's many arrogant, patronising men who can wear that crown. Men who get a rise out of such behaviour and worse.
But I need to get something off my chest - there are many many women who emasculate men, patronise them, belittle them, even assault them - whilst existing safely under the charter that reads women's rights.
When it comes down to it, it's 'people's' rights, surely. Not men, not women - just people.
I agree with you, Prue and had the thought, at some point, that I should include womansplaining in that list of all the others. I've gone back to edit that in. There is culpability pretty much everywhere we turn. On the other hand, I am currently in attendance at a conference of 150 people (give or take), where the discussions have had great depth and breadth, and not one iota of what I would call disrespectful behavior. Yet another indicator that, at the end of the day, the good still outnumber the bad. 😊
Thanks for addressing this topic. I remember watching presidential debates between Trump and Hilary Clinton while my daughter was in college. We were on campus with faculty and students. The behavior was abysmal, candidates, and moderators alike . Trump"s behavior and body language was that of a bully in full intimidation mode. I remember feeling disturbed, disheartened and sad for the young adults viewing their potential leaders behave like toddlers. I felt like I was witnessing another degradation of our societal structures.
"Potential leaders behave like toddlers." Yeah, this is a whole other aspect of the conversation around using words as weapons. Like you, I have expectations around the qualities I want to see in our leaders. It seems some show the public a very different side of themselves than what goes on behind the scenes. Others, it's just all out there, like a firehose. I'm looking for those whose words and actions lean toward integrity *all the time.* I know they're there, those leaders, and I know I don't know everything about what goes on behind the scenes. But, it sure seems like the integrity is in short supply these days. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sue.
"I want there to be less obstinance and less greed, more cooperation and more generosity. I want us to find ways to resuscitate civil discourse among those whose heart for benevolence has stopped beating." That and the whole thing 👏🏻🙋🏼♀️ 👏🏻
Great essay and terrific options of things to say!
Thanks, Jeannie! Feel free to share any of your own ideas. We need all the options we can pull together!
Amen🙌
🤜 🤛
Wow.... I'm sorry that this gathering went this way and that the bullying of one of the two speakers was so pronounced. And I'm sorry that even though many realized there was a problem, no one quite knew how to take the reigns and redirect (and silence the small group). Thinking through how to proactively engage or deflect, as you are doing here, is a good idea. I have the feeling though that the kind of problem you encountered wouldn't have been redirected or silenced even with a whole can of well-thought and confident lines. I agree that calling out these scenarios, again and again, and the ways in which we do often sit and wonder if it's our job to intercede is an important way to have and reinforce these conversations. As for having experienced mansplaining in general.... raising my hand.
You are right, Amy. I think this particular group was not inclined to be dissuaded. But I hope to get good enough at the diplomatic approaches that I can easily move on to more pointed options when needed. And, if we are ALL ready to chime in (men included), maybe the message will make its mark more readily. Thanks so much for your comment.
I hear you girl!!
I MIGHT HAVE BEEN SHOUTING A LITTLE. 😅 Thanks, Ann.
This was so insightful and husband and self had an excellent discussion about it because he currently works with more women than men and wants those staff to always feel respected and heard.
Mansplaining is just downright bullying and there's many arrogant, patronising men who can wear that crown. Men who get a rise out of such behaviour and worse.
But I need to get something off my chest - there are many many women who emasculate men, patronise them, belittle them, even assault them - whilst existing safely under the charter that reads women's rights.
When it comes down to it, it's 'people's' rights, surely. Not men, not women - just people.
Ah, if only it were that simple...
I agree with you, Prue and had the thought, at some point, that I should include womansplaining in that list of all the others. I've gone back to edit that in. There is culpability pretty much everywhere we turn. On the other hand, I am currently in attendance at a conference of 150 people (give or take), where the discussions have had great depth and breadth, and not one iota of what I would call disrespectful behavior. Yet another indicator that, at the end of the day, the good still outnumber the bad. 😊
So reassuring! XXXX
Thanks for addressing this topic. I remember watching presidential debates between Trump and Hilary Clinton while my daughter was in college. We were on campus with faculty and students. The behavior was abysmal, candidates, and moderators alike . Trump"s behavior and body language was that of a bully in full intimidation mode. I remember feeling disturbed, disheartened and sad for the young adults viewing their potential leaders behave like toddlers. I felt like I was witnessing another degradation of our societal structures.
"Potential leaders behave like toddlers." Yeah, this is a whole other aspect of the conversation around using words as weapons. Like you, I have expectations around the qualities I want to see in our leaders. It seems some show the public a very different side of themselves than what goes on behind the scenes. Others, it's just all out there, like a firehose. I'm looking for those whose words and actions lean toward integrity *all the time.* I know they're there, those leaders, and I know I don't know everything about what goes on behind the scenes. But, it sure seems like the integrity is in short supply these days. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sue.
"I want there to be less obstinance and less greed, more cooperation and more generosity. I want us to find ways to resuscitate civil discourse among those whose heart for benevolence has stopped beating." That and the whole thing 👏🏻🙋🏼♀️ 👏🏻
Thanks, Emmy. Now to sort out the *how*...!