Thank you for this. I too have men abusers in my past and am so tired of looking out for the creepy men whenever I’m alone. And I too also know very good men including my husband of over 30 years. And mostly I love this letter because through it all Joy and Gratitude are the lights that guide me and don’t let me stay in the dark, angry places very long. And still we rise! And will continue to through connecting in messages like yours today. 🙏💙
And still we rise (relates to the Roe v. Wade piece I wrote 2 years ago, and linked)! I love the promise of continued connection and group effort. That's what it will take. Thanks so much for the comment, Ruth.
I simply could not make it in days of heartache, trouble, or even days that are good without Joy.. For me Joy is God's desert for being willing to take a place at the table of life and force all the pain and suffering and confusion down one's already parched throat... Yes, I'm one of those males... But I happen to agree with every word you've said.... It kinda reminded me of a sacred friend of mine whom I have tried to follow all my life, who once said... "Let he or she who has no sin, throw the first stone"..... I guess those slurs and insults and words of pain don't qualify as sins in the eyes of some in this frightening political world... Write on Betsy.... Inspiring...TRUTH...
I feel fortunate to be able to tap into joy, Barry. While some days (weeks?) it's harder than others, so far I've always been able to find my way back there. As this letter suggests, most of the time, I get lost because I stopped looking for it!
Always appreciate your insights, Barry, and how you find the sacred everywhere. Yes, a lot like Joy.
A letter to Joy, yes, because without Joy.... all may be lost. Thank you for taking time to remind Joy of your gratitude and of the way Joy cuts through, in, and around the noise. So agree that "Joy" has been everywhere in recent weeks, popping up in so many sound bytes. It has seemed startling, which has led me to stop and think about "why" it has felt like such a fish out of water in context. What does it say about us that talking about "Joy" seems soft and out of place? It seems we all need to remind ourselves of Joy. I enjoyed the letter -- and so sorry about the rash.
This is such a thoughtful, nuanced piece that avoids all the bashing that alienates those who are just trying to understand. That requires a deft touch. I am most impressed, and I am honored to be included in your chorus of voices in the conclusion. Thank you so much, Elizabeth xoxoxo
Gosh, Eileen - that means a lot. Being non-bashful (heh) is an ideal I try to keep at the center of most everything. Doesn't always work out that way, but I'm glad to know it came across in this piece. Your story is special, vulnerable, and mirrors so many others', folks who for one reason or another do not feel at liberty to share. So applause to you for having the courage, and for speaking in ways others can't. A chorus of voices sounds like the harmony most of us are looking for. Thank YOU!
My reaction is “Indeed! But also…” During periods of introspection over the last decade or so I’ve wondered whether I qualify as an “average” male. Not in a qualitative sense of course (I don’t dare go there!) but empirically. Do the respectful and collaborative men you mention, and those like them, outnumber those who are not? It’s simple math, and unfortunately observation suggests it’s a close call. Recently though I sense the mudslingers, fakes, and unprincipled among us may be losing sway ever so slowly. Or at least not gaining any ground. Which brings me to my point. You remind us about Joy, yet I believe Joy has a collaborator. They are intertwined in a symbiotic relationship. That collaborator is named Hope.
Interesting questions, Rob. There are a lot of well-intentioned (or certainly not ill-intentioned, if there is any distinction there) men in my circles. If I kept myself from looking beyond the men I know personally, today's essay might have never materialized. Dare we hope that the stronghold of the others is weakening, or being replaced by new and more progressive generations?
I let go a giant smile when I read your final lines. As this letter came together, I mused over future letters to Hope, Grace, and possibly Zen. :)
Reading from Over Here, I've noticed the appalling misogynism from the Right, and it makes me nauseous. I can only hope that all women in the USA and elsewhere take heed. I'm surrounded by men of humility and love and there are moments when I can't comprehend the need to put the males of the species down, but then I see the rampant disrespect (to use a polite term) for women from so many quarters and I want to shout from the rooftops. I've seen closely the devastation that brutal disrespect causes.
In respect of Joy - she visited this week and I was in awe. Ah, more later...
Like you, I can live in contended oblivion, but as soon as I poke my nose into a world beyond my own I smell the acrid smoke of inequality and contempt. Though self-preservation is necessary, I think we also have to join hands in solidarity, men and women alike, if we are to hold onto the ground we've gained.
A funny aside, I sometimes joke with my husband that men are a species unto themselves!
Can't wait to learn more of how Joy showed up for you, and thrilled to know she did. She's got some keen intuition, that one.
I've found so many worthy writers and essays via Notes and other Substack connection tools, and I'm glad they guided you here. I appreciate your vote of enthusiasm and while going viral seems a stretch, let's hope justice is well within reach! Thanks so much for your support and comment.
You know, I see those two hanging around together quite a bit. Are they in a relationship? Have we checked their IG account for an official announcement? 😅
RobS, above, had a similar observation. If you've not seen it, you might appreciate our little exchange. Thanks so much for being here, Susan.
Patriarchy, misogyny, and men thinking they are somehow superior is some kind of twisted thinking rooted in their psyche that can be expelled but it's not particularly rewarding work. There are indeed good men everywhere that could do even more calling out the bad men and we see some hopeful signs of that on the horizon. Thanks, Elizabeth.
Right you are, Gary, about the hopeful signs, though it still often feels like we've moved one step forward and two steps back. In the spirit of solidarity and acknowledgment, however, I'm tipping my hat your way. In our comment conversation a week ago (I think, or was it two?), I mentioned how I'd been ruminating on writing with childless cat ladies in mind but didn't yet feel I had it in me. It was partly your encouragement that helped me across the finish line. So, thank you for that!
Joy is on everyone’s lips these days. Faces look brighter. What a welcome change. Sadness will be my constant companion for a while, but I can manage it thanks to joy. May joy touch the sagging shoulders of all who are weary with the weight of the world. Thanks for this, Elizabeth.
Melody, this is a gift. I don't always know that, or have confidence of that coming through the tangle of thoughts and words. Thank you for your support here and for making time to be part of the community.
Thank you for this. I too have men abusers in my past and am so tired of looking out for the creepy men whenever I’m alone. And I too also know very good men including my husband of over 30 years. And mostly I love this letter because through it all Joy and Gratitude are the lights that guide me and don’t let me stay in the dark, angry places very long. And still we rise! And will continue to through connecting in messages like yours today. 🙏💙
And still we rise (relates to the Roe v. Wade piece I wrote 2 years ago, and linked)! I love the promise of continued connection and group effort. That's what it will take. Thanks so much for the comment, Ruth.
I simply could not make it in days of heartache, trouble, or even days that are good without Joy.. For me Joy is God's desert for being willing to take a place at the table of life and force all the pain and suffering and confusion down one's already parched throat... Yes, I'm one of those males... But I happen to agree with every word you've said.... It kinda reminded me of a sacred friend of mine whom I have tried to follow all my life, who once said... "Let he or she who has no sin, throw the first stone"..... I guess those slurs and insults and words of pain don't qualify as sins in the eyes of some in this frightening political world... Write on Betsy.... Inspiring...TRUTH...
I feel fortunate to be able to tap into joy, Barry. While some days (weeks?) it's harder than others, so far I've always been able to find my way back there. As this letter suggests, most of the time, I get lost because I stopped looking for it!
Always appreciate your insights, Barry, and how you find the sacred everywhere. Yes, a lot like Joy.
A letter to Joy, yes, because without Joy.... all may be lost. Thank you for taking time to remind Joy of your gratitude and of the way Joy cuts through, in, and around the noise. So agree that "Joy" has been everywhere in recent weeks, popping up in so many sound bytes. It has seemed startling, which has led me to stop and think about "why" it has felt like such a fish out of water in context. What does it say about us that talking about "Joy" seems soft and out of place? It seems we all need to remind ourselves of Joy. I enjoyed the letter -- and so sorry about the rash.
This is an important perspective, Amy. Why should joy ever feel like it doesn't belong? Maybe because fear goads us unto thinking that?
I'm happy to report that the rash improved markedly right after I hit publish. :) Thanks for being here.
This is such a thoughtful, nuanced piece that avoids all the bashing that alienates those who are just trying to understand. That requires a deft touch. I am most impressed, and I am honored to be included in your chorus of voices in the conclusion. Thank you so much, Elizabeth xoxoxo
Gosh, Eileen - that means a lot. Being non-bashful (heh) is an ideal I try to keep at the center of most everything. Doesn't always work out that way, but I'm glad to know it came across in this piece. Your story is special, vulnerable, and mirrors so many others', folks who for one reason or another do not feel at liberty to share. So applause to you for having the courage, and for speaking in ways others can't. A chorus of voices sounds like the harmony most of us are looking for. Thank YOU!
My reaction is “Indeed! But also…” During periods of introspection over the last decade or so I’ve wondered whether I qualify as an “average” male. Not in a qualitative sense of course (I don’t dare go there!) but empirically. Do the respectful and collaborative men you mention, and those like them, outnumber those who are not? It’s simple math, and unfortunately observation suggests it’s a close call. Recently though I sense the mudslingers, fakes, and unprincipled among us may be losing sway ever so slowly. Or at least not gaining any ground. Which brings me to my point. You remind us about Joy, yet I believe Joy has a collaborator. They are intertwined in a symbiotic relationship. That collaborator is named Hope.
Interesting questions, Rob. There are a lot of well-intentioned (or certainly not ill-intentioned, if there is any distinction there) men in my circles. If I kept myself from looking beyond the men I know personally, today's essay might have never materialized. Dare we hope that the stronghold of the others is weakening, or being replaced by new and more progressive generations?
I let go a giant smile when I read your final lines. As this letter came together, I mused over future letters to Hope, Grace, and possibly Zen. :)
Always good to see you here, thank you.
What a powerful letter.
Reading from Over Here, I've noticed the appalling misogynism from the Right, and it makes me nauseous. I can only hope that all women in the USA and elsewhere take heed. I'm surrounded by men of humility and love and there are moments when I can't comprehend the need to put the males of the species down, but then I see the rampant disrespect (to use a polite term) for women from so many quarters and I want to shout from the rooftops. I've seen closely the devastation that brutal disrespect causes.
In respect of Joy - she visited this week and I was in awe. Ah, more later...
Like you, I can live in contended oblivion, but as soon as I poke my nose into a world beyond my own I smell the acrid smoke of inequality and contempt. Though self-preservation is necessary, I think we also have to join hands in solidarity, men and women alike, if we are to hold onto the ground we've gained.
A funny aside, I sometimes joke with my husband that men are a species unto themselves!
Can't wait to learn more of how Joy showed up for you, and thrilled to know she did. She's got some keen intuition, that one.
Friendship is precious🥰🥰🥰
I could not agree more! Thanks for spending a little time here.
wouldn't have found this if not for "notes"
glad i did
it should go viral if there's any justice
(hmmmm there may be?🙃)
I've found so many worthy writers and essays via Notes and other Substack connection tools, and I'm glad they guided you here. I appreciate your vote of enthusiasm and while going viral seems a stretch, let's hope justice is well within reach! Thanks so much for your support and comment.
Looking around, I see Joy and Hope, hand in hand! My heart is full, my steps lighter...
You know, I see those two hanging around together quite a bit. Are they in a relationship? Have we checked their IG account for an official announcement? 😅
RobS, above, had a similar observation. If you've not seen it, you might appreciate our little exchange. Thanks so much for being here, Susan.
Patriarchy, misogyny, and men thinking they are somehow superior is some kind of twisted thinking rooted in their psyche that can be expelled but it's not particularly rewarding work. There are indeed good men everywhere that could do even more calling out the bad men and we see some hopeful signs of that on the horizon. Thanks, Elizabeth.
Right you are, Gary, about the hopeful signs, though it still often feels like we've moved one step forward and two steps back. In the spirit of solidarity and acknowledgment, however, I'm tipping my hat your way. In our comment conversation a week ago (I think, or was it two?), I mentioned how I'd been ruminating on writing with childless cat ladies in mind but didn't yet feel I had it in me. It was partly your encouragement that helped me across the finish line. So, thank you for that!
I think you nailed it! Glad to encourage you and nudge you across the finish line. 💙
Joy is on everyone’s lips these days. Faces look brighter. What a welcome change. Sadness will be my constant companion for a while, but I can manage it thanks to joy. May joy touch the sagging shoulders of all who are weary with the weight of the world. Thanks for this, Elizabeth.
Are we not always on that teeter-totter, Rona, hoping our "constant companion" doesn't suddenly double in size? You wish is mine as well. Thank you.
Whether you know it ( or care to acknowledge it ) , you , Elizabeth , are a Joyful Warrior . Keep it up , please !
Melody, this is a gift. I don't always know that, or have confidence of that coming through the tangle of thoughts and words. Thank you for your support here and for making time to be part of the community.