Seeing all of our bits as they are and being'ok' or even stoked about it???? I have long found this to be one of my toughest challenges. On the verge of 60 I can say that I do MUCH better now than ever before . I spend more time feeling good, ok. or even great about the way that I feel, think , interact with other humans and yes, even about the way that I look...but the discomfort with all or any of those can rear it's ridiculous head at any point. Can I trace the source (s) of my long term difficulty valuing all that I am? mehhh....it comes from everywhere, my internal wiring, society, my parents best intentions. I'll just keep riding the see-saw and taking stock, grateful for the times that I seat myself on the high end! Thanks E.
I hear you, Kate, and share similar ups and downs. For what its worth, I find all of your bits to be praiseworthy! We do what we can, from where we are, with what we have. I think the only real failure is if we stop trying. Appreciate you.
Elizabeth - this is classic! I love it all. Color me intrigued. Seize the gray! LOVE it all. And WOW! thank you for the PS shout out. That made my day!
Thanks for this! I have a little story that brought this idea straight to center stage for me a few years ago. I went to a random hairstylist because I was visiting my dad and while sitting complacently in the chair, as one does, and before the snipping had begun, the hairstylist, without warning, plucked two grey hairs out of my head. I was stunned.
I love my grey. Don't touch my grey. My regularly hairstylist understands this. I hope more people learn to love the grey.
I always relate to your writing but today I feel like you told my story. I always had very short hair. When I started going gray, I never even considered dying it (it would grow out too fast). I let my hair grow long and gray. I love my gray/white hair; however, I am always shocked when I see pictures of myself with friends who dye their hair. I think I look older than they do (and many times I'm the youngest one in the picture). That being said, I never even thought about dying my hair.
I know that feeling of astonishment and uncertainty, Susanne. And, I know that you and your salt and pepper hair are both fantastic! I'm glad you made that choice.
I lightened my hair from mousy brown to a near Goldilocks brassy color in my early college years (late 60’s) and had to get it colored brown again to put that unfortunate episode behind me. I vowed then not to ever mess with Mother Nature again. I wouldn’t trade my now near white silver locks that first began appearing in my late 30’s for anything else now.
My wife just took the plunge to let go of the dye. She feels liberated and likes the way her look is changing. Your writing makes me think of all the ways hair impacts us. Too much hair. Not enough hair. Hair in the wrong places. To shave or not to shave. Beards! Hair as cultural statement. Hair as political statement or religious statement. It goes on and on. One thing I’ve noticed as I get older is that I seem to spend more time controlling my hair even though I have less of it in most places.
So true, Darrell. I don't envy you men with your persistent need to tame the facial hairs (not that we women don't get our own version of that from time to time - lol!). Appreciate the thoughts!
I think grey is FANTASTIC. All shades there of! All my friends have made the change.
I follow a couple of swish-o style blogs and each of those women has allowed the silver to predominate and all look amazing, sexy and just plain wonderful.
I'm lucky I guess - I was born white blonde, aged to honey until about 40 and then began to silver off. I'm now in my 70's and am almost back to white again so no money wasted on colour.
Mostly I don't feel old and 'you're only as old as you feel', they say. My husband is also in his 70's and still works full time and I'm convinced that his constant intellectual application and physical work is vital in keeping him as young and fit as he looks.
He doesn't have to worry too much about grey as he's almost bald but just as attractive to me as a man with a full head of hair (grey or any other colour).
If I have any uneasiness about age, it's the body failing me periodically. Those are the days when I look in the mirror and swear! But a bit of slap spread over the face (like stage makeup) can create a character above and beyond what I might actually be feeling. L'Oreal makeup pieces are my besties.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth, for recommending Knots in the String and to especially include me with someone like Ramona. That's the icing on the cake this week!
I do think you white-blond folks have the easiest time of it when it's time to go gray. It's such a subtle transition. And, now I'm going to apologize for erroneously characterizing you as living alone. Somehow, I missed the essay episodes with your husband! Mea culpa. And, here's to bodies that get us where we need to go for many years to come.
Ironically I am alone a lot as husband is often somewhere O/S. The terrier is a wonderful replacement!!
That said, can't imagine life without OH. It doesn't bear thinking about. Was partly why I wrote the novel Passage, when husband had a very serious farm accident. I think we both, he and I, had a touch of PTSD afterward.
The very first time I met you, before you uttered a word and revealed your brilliant wit and charming personality, I was awestruck by the radiance of your hair.
I have a theory about gray hair. I think women want to be thought of as sexually desirable as long as they can. For their mates and strangers alike. It's fun to realize you're turning heads!
I think there's a very basic subconscious drive at work here. Men are not as attracted to women with gray hair because they are usually past child-bearing age. They can't have their babies. Even if the men don't want babies, I think it's something God did to ensure the future of the human race. Does that make any sense?
Kathy, I've considered your thoughts here for the past little while. I agree that most species have an innate drive to remain attractive to partners, and that at its most basic level relates to perpetuating the species. And, I guess we modern humans are inclined to take advantage of what science gives us (everything from antibiotics to hair dye) to keep ourselves alive and thriving. But, I still think we are mostly driven by patriarchal cultural influences. If it were just an extension of a biological imperative, men would be just as concerned as women about being attractive. Just...saying. :)
Seeing all of our bits as they are and being'ok' or even stoked about it???? I have long found this to be one of my toughest challenges. On the verge of 60 I can say that I do MUCH better now than ever before . I spend more time feeling good, ok. or even great about the way that I feel, think , interact with other humans and yes, even about the way that I look...but the discomfort with all or any of those can rear it's ridiculous head at any point. Can I trace the source (s) of my long term difficulty valuing all that I am? mehhh....it comes from everywhere, my internal wiring, society, my parents best intentions. I'll just keep riding the see-saw and taking stock, grateful for the times that I seat myself on the high end! Thanks E.
I hear you, Kate, and share similar ups and downs. For what its worth, I find all of your bits to be praiseworthy! We do what we can, from where we are, with what we have. I think the only real failure is if we stop trying. Appreciate you.
Elizabeth - this is classic! I love it all. Color me intrigued. Seize the gray! LOVE it all. And WOW! thank you for the PS shout out. That made my day!
Fun to be sharing this journey with someone like you, Courtney. Thanks for the comment and for writing pieces that are worth recommending!
Thanks for this! I have a little story that brought this idea straight to center stage for me a few years ago. I went to a random hairstylist because I was visiting my dad and while sitting complacently in the chair, as one does, and before the snipping had begun, the hairstylist, without warning, plucked two grey hairs out of my head. I was stunned.
I love my grey. Don't touch my grey. My regularly hairstylist understands this. I hope more people learn to love the grey.
"Don't touch my grey." I love this, Jeanne. What a role model you are! Thanks for reading and sharing your story.
I always relate to your writing but today I feel like you told my story. I always had very short hair. When I started going gray, I never even considered dying it (it would grow out too fast). I let my hair grow long and gray. I love my gray/white hair; however, I am always shocked when I see pictures of myself with friends who dye their hair. I think I look older than they do (and many times I'm the youngest one in the picture). That being said, I never even thought about dying my hair.
I know that feeling of astonishment and uncertainty, Susanne. And, I know that you and your salt and pepper hair are both fantastic! I'm glad you made that choice.
What little hair I have is very white. Thanks, Tom
It works for you, Tom. And, Linda is a bit like my mom, holding on to her dark tresses for such a long time. :)
I lightened my hair from mousy brown to a near Goldilocks brassy color in my early college years (late 60’s) and had to get it colored brown again to put that unfortunate episode behind me. I vowed then not to ever mess with Mother Nature again. I wouldn’t trade my now near white silver locks that first began appearing in my late 30’s for anything else now.
Definitely can't see you in a Goldilocks pallet, Janet. Sure glad you got that out of your system!
My wife just took the plunge to let go of the dye. She feels liberated and likes the way her look is changing. Your writing makes me think of all the ways hair impacts us. Too much hair. Not enough hair. Hair in the wrong places. To shave or not to shave. Beards! Hair as cultural statement. Hair as political statement or religious statement. It goes on and on. One thing I’ve noticed as I get older is that I seem to spend more time controlling my hair even though I have less of it in most places.
So true, Darrell. I don't envy you men with your persistent need to tame the facial hairs (not that we women don't get our own version of that from time to time - lol!). Appreciate the thoughts!
I think grey is FANTASTIC. All shades there of! All my friends have made the change.
I follow a couple of swish-o style blogs and each of those women has allowed the silver to predominate and all look amazing, sexy and just plain wonderful.
I'm lucky I guess - I was born white blonde, aged to honey until about 40 and then began to silver off. I'm now in my 70's and am almost back to white again so no money wasted on colour.
Mostly I don't feel old and 'you're only as old as you feel', they say. My husband is also in his 70's and still works full time and I'm convinced that his constant intellectual application and physical work is vital in keeping him as young and fit as he looks.
He doesn't have to worry too much about grey as he's almost bald but just as attractive to me as a man with a full head of hair (grey or any other colour).
If I have any uneasiness about age, it's the body failing me periodically. Those are the days when I look in the mirror and swear! But a bit of slap spread over the face (like stage makeup) can create a character above and beyond what I might actually be feeling. L'Oreal makeup pieces are my besties.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth, for recommending Knots in the String and to especially include me with someone like Ramona. That's the icing on the cake this week!
Onwards and upwards for we Silver Swans.
I do think you white-blond folks have the easiest time of it when it's time to go gray. It's such a subtle transition. And, now I'm going to apologize for erroneously characterizing you as living alone. Somehow, I missed the essay episodes with your husband! Mea culpa. And, here's to bodies that get us where we need to go for many years to come.
Don't worry at all.
Ironically I am alone a lot as husband is often somewhere O/S. The terrier is a wonderful replacement!!
That said, can't imagine life without OH. It doesn't bear thinking about. Was partly why I wrote the novel Passage, when husband had a very serious farm accident. I think we both, he and I, had a touch of PTSD afterward.
The very first time I met you, before you uttered a word and revealed your brilliant wit and charming personality, I was awestruck by the radiance of your hair.
I'm blushing now. Thank you, Roe. ☺️
from Tribe Real, thanks for this, every strand!
Tribe Real -- :) Thanks for reading, Stephanie.
Your hair is so beautiful !
I have a theory about gray hair. I think women want to be thought of as sexually desirable as long as they can. For their mates and strangers alike. It's fun to realize you're turning heads!
I think there's a very basic subconscious drive at work here. Men are not as attracted to women with gray hair because they are usually past child-bearing age. They can't have their babies. Even if the men don't want babies, I think it's something God did to ensure the future of the human race. Does that make any sense?
Kathy, I've considered your thoughts here for the past little while. I agree that most species have an innate drive to remain attractive to partners, and that at its most basic level relates to perpetuating the species. And, I guess we modern humans are inclined to take advantage of what science gives us (everything from antibiotics to hair dye) to keep ourselves alive and thriving. But, I still think we are mostly driven by patriarchal cultural influences. If it were just an extension of a biological imperative, men would be just as concerned as women about being attractive. Just...saying. :)