Thanks, Barry. All the responses I had hoped might emerge. What about your and your practices? Any pointers for those of us who keep falling off the bandwagon? (There's a pun in there, but I'm ignoring it.)
This morning I've read your piece, and also one by Kirsten Powers about the difference between rest and recovery. She's moved to Italy, and feels that the culture there prioritizes regular rest, in the form of an extended mid-day break, with the result that people there do not need the kind of recovery most of us do here. In her piece, recovery can involve socializing in ways that are filling rather than draining--maybe because there's enough time in a day to do it? Your words have me thinking about a time in my life when I was working hard and my kids were young, and I was prescribed meditation and biofeedback exercises to deal with a medical condition and I could never get through them because I always fell asleep. That often still happens when I try to meditate, which tells me I'm probably not really balanced in the rest/recovery equation. But: I do have more space in my life now than I ever have, and I'm learning how to give myself breaks in the day to sit and just watch the creatures in my yard (both flora and fauna), or to sit and eat and only eat (if alone), or to let myself linger after eating with others, or to talk on the phone with my daughter for an hour or more--all things that I never had/made time for in busier years. What I'm trying to suggest in this very roundabout way (because I'm wrestling with your questions myself and not sure of what I really think) is that maybe stillness isn't the thing? Maybe rest is? And rest can take different forms? I know all the research about meditation's benefits, so I'm not suggesting abandoning it as a goal, but maybe your life now is more like mine once was, where I was so exhausted all the time that if I did stop to meditate I physically crashed? I would love to read an update from you later to see how it's going. I have more space in my life now to accommodate stillness, but I'm for sure still figuring out how to recover from the decades I didn't.
Rita, I truly appreciate the thought you've clearly given this topic and for taking time to share that with me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the U.S. could adopt some of what Kirsten is experiencing in Italy? I suppose our comparatively recent emergence as a nation, complete with a complicated mix of cowboy independence and Puritan diligence, has informed the pace of our work days. It feels uniquely American!
I'm sure you're right that I need more rest, and I could have spent more time on whether doing nothing and meditating are actually synonymous. In the case of the workshop, they were presented that way with emphasis being that we have nothing to prove, no right or wrong method, just the permission and the ritual of allowing for more quiet time in our lives. So, I'm trying to view my explorations with a similar, soft focus. A friend of mine, who has come toward and drifted away from a meditation practice, always says that falling asleep is an outcome just as meaningful as another!
I started this year with a goal of remaining curious. I'm letting that guide me here, too. I will definitely check back in here at some point, when there is more to add. So grateful for your input.
"the permission and the ritual of allowing for more quiet time in our lives." That sounds so good to me, in whatever form it might take. As does a goal of remaining curious and letting curiosity be a guide.
Oh gosh, Rona, that means a lot. I recognize that my writing tends towards mood swings (or maybe genre gyrations - 😅) so I appreciate knowing that I've not left behind those I trust to be decent judges of content.
Yes, thought provoking for sure. You sparked a question I’ve been thinking about quietly and asking publically. How much time do people spend on introspective reflection and navel gazing versus focusing on external observations and experiences?
Good question, Gary! It's interesting to note that the term 'navel gazing' lands with a negative connotation for me, so I wonder if you have a deeper opinion about that not expressed here. I think there is a difference between giving ourselves time (and permission) to tap into our less conscious experiences and being self-absorbed. In general, we seem more practiced at the latter. And to your point, many (most?) of us devote significant portions of our days to what happens around us and "to" us. My mother used to taut the principle of 'everything in moderation'...except chocolate! Balance is elusive.
Did not mean for ‘navel gazing’ to be negative, just a point of center for reference. Not in the head, more of a gut response. Yes, I believe its essential to explore the internal life and challenging to uncover the unconscious and pull back the curtains.
“The unexamined life is not worth living” (attributed to Socrates at his trial) reminds us that living an authentic life requires consciously examining our motivations, ideals, goals, passions. Seems we have millions who don’t do that much at all.
Wonder if we could gather some of these thoughts under the general heading of ‘Awareness” ??
Consciously examining our motivations... Gosh, that's it right there, Gary, and yet so hard to do. I remember acknowledging years ago that everything I've ever done was, in some ways, selfish. Even when I worked in service for others, there was something about the effort that fed something in me, yielded some personal benefit. What motivates us, then, ultimately?
Awareness, yes. Letting go of ego, and attachment to particular outcomes, yes. I'll never get there, but I'll die trying!
I enjoyed the poem, but I also enjoyed the look at how it went... and how you are approaching it differently than you might have before. I wish I had remembered to follow up with you for info on the Quiet 15. I'm not one that manages this well either (or at all). I find my mindfulness in doing other things, I guess. But I really look forward to hearing what shape this takes for you - and how it feels as you keep working on the habit. (I find my strongest habits are the ones that keep me most balanced--which has been put to the test over and over again. It doesn't mean they don't require work sometimes, but I know what value they bring.)
Ah, yes, yes, to your last line! I just wrote essentially that in my response to Gary below. I do expect--at least right now--to keep this topic afloat alongside the developing habit. If I crash and burn, which I suppose is as likely an outcome as any, I'll share that, too. Thanks for commenting, Amy. I value your thoughts very much.
Thought provoking for sure. I tell folks that I know the balance of life better than anybody because I swing by it so frequently!
But with greater contemplation, I've begun to recognize that when I am agitated,, I am close to a subtle shifting internally. I used to fear it but now greet the feeling with anticipation!
I have been taking a wonderful on line course called Slow Drawing with Art Therapist Amy Miracle and love that ,in addition to journaling, I am drawing or painting little pictures everyday. It brings me joy!
Oh, I love that, Susan — the idea of agitation coming just ahead of a shift! Talk about a new perspective. Your class and the results sound like a wonderful way to practice mindfulness. Thank you for being here!
Gosh - how does one silence 'the noise', invite 'the still'?
Time and again, for me, it all comes back to meditation and the breath in a quiet space and with no one else near me. I've been meditating for a long time with limited success until I learned MiCBT (https://www.mindfulness.net.au/about/what-is-mindfulness-integrated-cognitive-behaviour-therapy/) with a psychologist in my home town. It's Eastern-based although no religion attaches. It gives one permission and space to be quiet, to ground oneself through the breath.
If I stop practicing, I can feel my anxiety climbing. It saved my son's anxiety last year when he was diagnosed with that rare lung disease.
I recall you mentioning your practice a time or two, Prue, but I didn't know about your method. Thanks for linking that. I look forward to learning more, especially if you'd be willing to share anything more about what you experienced that felt like limited or improved success. I like to say that I come from a long line of worriers. I'm not sure I'm cut out to replace that 'o' with an 'a' but I'd like to feel as though I'm moving in that direction. 🧡
I'm quite an anxious person, Elizabeth but can hide it well. I developed panic syndrome in my late 20's .
I started meditating not long after because I didn't want to go down the medication path. But it wasn't until I met Dr Cayoun, the man who developed MiCBT, that I learned properly and that was in my 50's. I still see him every couple of years for a re-boot of the process as its possible to veer off on a tangent.
I still have the occasional panic and probably will until I kick the bucket but meditation keeps me grounded in times of high pressure and I can often stop a panic attack from escalating. That's it in a nutshell. Mostly my life is wonderful because I've learned my stressors and am prepared to say no if I don't want to do something or that it will stress me out. Maybe that's a privilege of age and wisdom.
Breathe in for four counts, out for eight, five or six times, slowly. I do this when I settle in for the night. I've come to associate the process with relaxation before sleep. Now, I do it during the day, even once or twice, to disengage from stress, to prepare myself for focus, or, you know, just to bring the sky into fuller appreciation.
I have so much respect for behavior association techniques and am working to develop more related to "dropping in" as I've heard some people call it. Getting my brain to quiet long enough for the quieter voices to surface. "Bring the sky into fuller appreciation" is a lovely turn of phrase, Stew. Thank you for this, and that.
Reading that post, Terry, I'd say it sounds as if you already are carrying the silence around with you. Let's not let perfection be the enemy of the good. <3
I’ve met people who are not all there, if that’s what you mean. 🤣 But seriously, no I don’t. Even Maharishi, whom one would assume was enlightened, kept discovering new knowledge in that area.
Such a thought-provoking post, Elizabeth. And the poem is absolutely terrific!
Shifts in attitude, new habits, yes, they need support, guidance, time to embed. For a long while now I've been wanting to explore meditation but had no clue where to start. And lo, a £5 taster course offered by CityLit on Zoom has been my starting point. Their 90-minute course on 'demystifying meditation', including an introduction to various meditation techniques, was the highlight of my week last week. I've now booked myself onto a series of six hour-long guided meditation sessions for beginners in order to establish what I hope will become a new habit.
I'd love to hear how it goes, Rebecca. If you don't choose to write about it, I hope you will consider updating me directly. And I'm more than a little delighted that we're on similar paths!
Very entertaining today..... Thought-provoking and brought several smiles...
Thanks, Barry. All the responses I had hoped might emerge. What about your and your practices? Any pointers for those of us who keep falling off the bandwagon? (There's a pun in there, but I'm ignoring it.)
😁 What if I get my ducks in a circle?
Ha! We could have such fun with this. All the ones I didn't use are still looking for their time to shine, or...not.
Inspiring message today, thank you! I’ve been writing a haiku everyday based on things I experience or feel that day. Here’s my favorite so far:
blue is not for you
are you sure?, I asked sadly
yes, hearts need rainbows
Lovely Ruth, the haiku and the practice. I imagine you now have quite the collection of memories to look back on…or publish?
This morning I've read your piece, and also one by Kirsten Powers about the difference between rest and recovery. She's moved to Italy, and feels that the culture there prioritizes regular rest, in the form of an extended mid-day break, with the result that people there do not need the kind of recovery most of us do here. In her piece, recovery can involve socializing in ways that are filling rather than draining--maybe because there's enough time in a day to do it? Your words have me thinking about a time in my life when I was working hard and my kids were young, and I was prescribed meditation and biofeedback exercises to deal with a medical condition and I could never get through them because I always fell asleep. That often still happens when I try to meditate, which tells me I'm probably not really balanced in the rest/recovery equation. But: I do have more space in my life now than I ever have, and I'm learning how to give myself breaks in the day to sit and just watch the creatures in my yard (both flora and fauna), or to sit and eat and only eat (if alone), or to let myself linger after eating with others, or to talk on the phone with my daughter for an hour or more--all things that I never had/made time for in busier years. What I'm trying to suggest in this very roundabout way (because I'm wrestling with your questions myself and not sure of what I really think) is that maybe stillness isn't the thing? Maybe rest is? And rest can take different forms? I know all the research about meditation's benefits, so I'm not suggesting abandoning it as a goal, but maybe your life now is more like mine once was, where I was so exhausted all the time that if I did stop to meditate I physically crashed? I would love to read an update from you later to see how it's going. I have more space in my life now to accommodate stillness, but I'm for sure still figuring out how to recover from the decades I didn't.
Rita, I truly appreciate the thought you've clearly given this topic and for taking time to share that with me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the U.S. could adopt some of what Kirsten is experiencing in Italy? I suppose our comparatively recent emergence as a nation, complete with a complicated mix of cowboy independence and Puritan diligence, has informed the pace of our work days. It feels uniquely American!
I'm sure you're right that I need more rest, and I could have spent more time on whether doing nothing and meditating are actually synonymous. In the case of the workshop, they were presented that way with emphasis being that we have nothing to prove, no right or wrong method, just the permission and the ritual of allowing for more quiet time in our lives. So, I'm trying to view my explorations with a similar, soft focus. A friend of mine, who has come toward and drifted away from a meditation practice, always says that falling asleep is an outcome just as meaningful as another!
I started this year with a goal of remaining curious. I'm letting that guide me here, too. I will definitely check back in here at some point, when there is more to add. So grateful for your input.
"the permission and the ritual of allowing for more quiet time in our lives." That sounds so good to me, in whatever form it might take. As does a goal of remaining curious and letting curiosity be a guide.
I'm no poet, Elizabeth, but I'm glad you are. Your poem is both playful and thoughtful, a tough act to pull off.
Oh gosh, Rona, that means a lot. I recognize that my writing tends towards mood swings (or maybe genre gyrations - 😅) so I appreciate knowing that I've not left behind those I trust to be decent judges of content.
Yes, thought provoking for sure. You sparked a question I’ve been thinking about quietly and asking publically. How much time do people spend on introspective reflection and navel gazing versus focusing on external observations and experiences?
Good question, Gary! It's interesting to note that the term 'navel gazing' lands with a negative connotation for me, so I wonder if you have a deeper opinion about that not expressed here. I think there is a difference between giving ourselves time (and permission) to tap into our less conscious experiences and being self-absorbed. In general, we seem more practiced at the latter. And to your point, many (most?) of us devote significant portions of our days to what happens around us and "to" us. My mother used to taut the principle of 'everything in moderation'...except chocolate! Balance is elusive.
Did not mean for ‘navel gazing’ to be negative, just a point of center for reference. Not in the head, more of a gut response. Yes, I believe its essential to explore the internal life and challenging to uncover the unconscious and pull back the curtains.
“The unexamined life is not worth living” (attributed to Socrates at his trial) reminds us that living an authentic life requires consciously examining our motivations, ideals, goals, passions. Seems we have millions who don’t do that much at all.
Wonder if we could gather some of these thoughts under the general heading of ‘Awareness” ??
Consciously examining our motivations... Gosh, that's it right there, Gary, and yet so hard to do. I remember acknowledging years ago that everything I've ever done was, in some ways, selfish. Even when I worked in service for others, there was something about the effort that fed something in me, yielded some personal benefit. What motivates us, then, ultimately?
Awareness, yes. Letting go of ego, and attachment to particular outcomes, yes. I'll never get there, but I'll die trying!
I enjoyed the poem, but I also enjoyed the look at how it went... and how you are approaching it differently than you might have before. I wish I had remembered to follow up with you for info on the Quiet 15. I'm not one that manages this well either (or at all). I find my mindfulness in doing other things, I guess. But I really look forward to hearing what shape this takes for you - and how it feels as you keep working on the habit. (I find my strongest habits are the ones that keep me most balanced--which has been put to the test over and over again. It doesn't mean they don't require work sometimes, but I know what value they bring.)
Ah, yes, yes, to your last line! I just wrote essentially that in my response to Gary below. I do expect--at least right now--to keep this topic afloat alongside the developing habit. If I crash and burn, which I suppose is as likely an outcome as any, I'll share that, too. Thanks for commenting, Amy. I value your thoughts very much.
I’m not so good at stillness myself, Elizabeth. Oh, to practice. :)
I liked the mix of playfulness and thoughtfulness in this post, my friend.
Fraught times indeed. To allowing for agency from something outside of ourselves.
Thought provoking for sure. I tell folks that I know the balance of life better than anybody because I swing by it so frequently!
But with greater contemplation, I've begun to recognize that when I am agitated,, I am close to a subtle shifting internally. I used to fear it but now greet the feeling with anticipation!
I have been taking a wonderful on line course called Slow Drawing with Art Therapist Amy Miracle and love that ,in addition to journaling, I am drawing or painting little pictures everyday. It brings me joy!
Oh, I love that, Susan — the idea of agitation coming just ahead of a shift! Talk about a new perspective. Your class and the results sound like a wonderful way to practice mindfulness. Thank you for being here!
Gosh - how does one silence 'the noise', invite 'the still'?
Time and again, for me, it all comes back to meditation and the breath in a quiet space and with no one else near me. I've been meditating for a long time with limited success until I learned MiCBT (https://www.mindfulness.net.au/about/what-is-mindfulness-integrated-cognitive-behaviour-therapy/) with a psychologist in my home town. It's Eastern-based although no religion attaches. It gives one permission and space to be quiet, to ground oneself through the breath.
If I stop practicing, I can feel my anxiety climbing. It saved my son's anxiety last year when he was diagnosed with that rare lung disease.
I recall you mentioning your practice a time or two, Prue, but I didn't know about your method. Thanks for linking that. I look forward to learning more, especially if you'd be willing to share anything more about what you experienced that felt like limited or improved success. I like to say that I come from a long line of worriers. I'm not sure I'm cut out to replace that 'o' with an 'a' but I'd like to feel as though I'm moving in that direction. 🧡
I'm quite an anxious person, Elizabeth but can hide it well. I developed panic syndrome in my late 20's .
I started meditating not long after because I didn't want to go down the medication path. But it wasn't until I met Dr Cayoun, the man who developed MiCBT, that I learned properly and that was in my 50's. I still see him every couple of years for a re-boot of the process as its possible to veer off on a tangent.
I still have the occasional panic and probably will until I kick the bucket but meditation keeps me grounded in times of high pressure and I can often stop a panic attack from escalating. That's it in a nutshell. Mostly my life is wonderful because I've learned my stressors and am prepared to say no if I don't want to do something or that it will stress me out. Maybe that's a privilege of age and wisdom.
I hope you feel at least a little bit of self-achievement in having done the work to get where you are. <3
Sometimes but not all the time...
Breathe in for four counts, out for eight, five or six times, slowly. I do this when I settle in for the night. I've come to associate the process with relaxation before sleep. Now, I do it during the day, even once or twice, to disengage from stress, to prepare myself for focus, or, you know, just to bring the sky into fuller appreciation.
I have so much respect for behavior association techniques and am working to develop more related to "dropping in" as I've heard some people call it. Getting my brain to quiet long enough for the quieter voices to surface. "Bring the sky into fuller appreciation" is a lovely turn of phrase, Stew. Thank you for this, and that.
Love the poem. I'm a great believer in what the Zen master Suzuki said: a Zen student must learn how to waste time conscientiously. My way of finding silence is by practising TM, as I wrote about here: https://open.substack.com/pub/terryfreedman/p/no-i-dont-wear-saffron-robes?r=18suih&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web One of these days, or lifetimes, i hope to be carrying the silence around with me.
Reading that post, Terry, I'd say it sounds as if you already are carrying the silence around with you. Let's not let perfection be the enemy of the good. <3
Oh, very nice of you to say, Elizabeth, but I am not completely there yet. Yes, that’s a good saying, one that I need to keep reminding myself of.
Do you think anyone is ever completely "there?"
I’ve met people who are not all there, if that’s what you mean. 🤣 But seriously, no I don’t. Even Maharishi, whom one would assume was enlightened, kept discovering new knowledge in that area.
Such a thought-provoking post, Elizabeth. And the poem is absolutely terrific!
Shifts in attitude, new habits, yes, they need support, guidance, time to embed. For a long while now I've been wanting to explore meditation but had no clue where to start. And lo, a £5 taster course offered by CityLit on Zoom has been my starting point. Their 90-minute course on 'demystifying meditation', including an introduction to various meditation techniques, was the highlight of my week last week. I've now booked myself onto a series of six hour-long guided meditation sessions for beginners in order to establish what I hope will become a new habit.
I'd love to hear how it goes, Rebecca. If you don't choose to write about it, I hope you will consider updating me directly. And I'm more than a little delighted that we're on similar paths!
Oh, yes, I’ll report back! It starts in a couple of weeks, and runs for six weeks. Let’s see how I get on! 😊
(I’m delighted, too. 😘 Great minds think alike. xxx)