Thanks for sharing Elizabeth. My belief and hope is that we are all capable of loving everyone and allowing each the freedom to live their lives in harmony with others that share this planet.
Thank you, Janet. That is certainly what I aspire to also, though as I admitted here, it can sometimes feel unattainable. I suppose the only thing we can't do is to stop trying!
Wow! This stirs up so many memories of church-going, judgement, 'test-driving' and ultimately leaving organized religion behind. Having been raised Catholic (including Catholic grade school - I rebelled by HS) and sticking with it through young adulthood and parenthood it became clear that some things just weren't 'right'. I, too miss the days of thoughtless devotion -- it was easy, but with maturity and some true soulful consideration of how religion has not served us well in many ways, i look to the love, goodness and kindness i see in people to feed and steer my soul.
I appreciate these reflections, Deborah, and can admit that the stirring of memories for me also stirred up some big emotions, the sort we don't always realize are hiding inside until something gives us permission to let them flow. Your last sentence is everything!
Nicely written and is an experience many of us share. Growing up in the church, maturing and bringing our family to the church, then the politics and pettiness get in the way of worship and welcome. May our own Divine spirit be awake to the Divine spirit in all of God's creation.
Ah, Sarah, while I'm sorry you have had to face similar disillusionment in your church journey, I'm also comforted by the shared experience. Thank you for relating those thoughts here, and for the attention to the sacred connections available to us all.
Beautifully written. So very reminiscent of my own experience. Like you, my university dealings with the Church were rewarding until they weren’t. Judgemental Christianity is most definitely flawed. Jesus came to remind us that the core principle of any religion should be love, but so many seem to ignore that. It would be fascinating if it weren’t so sad. Thank you. A good read.
Yes, Beth, from a sociological point of view, a study of human behavior in the context of religion would never be dull. That humans consistently twist key tenets to justify exclusion and gatekeeping says a lot about our insecure egos. We sure have made a mess of a lot of situations in the name of God. Thank you so much for interacting and sharing part of your story here.
Wow. I had never even heard of the Charismatics Church. (I googled it. I see it's a real thing.) I can see (from your story) why your parents were worried you might have landed in a cult, and the healing.... how terrible for that person. Truly. I had also never heard of a "home church." (Also googled that.) Your (childhood) church -- with its long and beautiful hall and stained glass looks like a regular church/sanctuary to me? Just curious about the phrase.
This isn't a topic I talk about often -- But.... when I saw your title and subhead, I wondered what was coming -- what "straw" might have been the final one.
I watched a senior family member (who had been devout all her life, a choir member and soloist since a child) leave her church in the last few years over LGBTQ+ positions (because she has people in her family implicated by those views). I sometimes get a glimpse of how difficult that was for her and how much she gave up in leaving the "community" (I'm sure some would say "church family") she had always felt a part of.
Depending on where one lives, finding a more open church can be easy or impossible. In her case, impossible, and I think it's a source of great loss for her.
I am glad you have such good memories of that one special minister (and how wonderful to still be in touch and have that person as a reader).
Thanks for your careful read, Amy. I always appreciate that you do that. Church doctrine and naming conventions have got to be among the most taxonomically complicated of anything we've ever tried to label. I probably took unintentional liberties in this piece. To say a church is charismatic means its members have expectations for how they interact with and react to the Spirit. (By the way, I find that the capital letters are often just another form of imposing hierarchy, authority, or superiority.)
I see now that "home church" can be used to designate a church in a house or home. I was using it more like home team or what I associate with my home town. The church of my childhood is more accurate.
I am sorry for the rending of a long relationship for your family member. Yes a great loss. I respect their willingness to make that choice. Early on with this piece, I thought I might draw parallels between our religious and political identities, but I decided to not take that on just now. Suffice to say that asking someone to separate from either is asking them to part ways with both their belief system and their community. Thus it takes a tremendous crisis of conscience to push someone in that direction. As with complicated partners, we are often willing to forgive a lot of questionable behavior in the interest of maintaining the relationship as a whole.
My former pastor now friend is one of my life's best gifts!
You tackled a tough topic with characteristic equanimity. You seem to have touched a chord with many readers! When I was in grade school, a Charismatic classmate tried to evangelize me. He talked about heaven and hell. It was very upsetting, and I shared my distress with my mom. Her response has always been with me: "Never let anyone tell you about your relationship with God. That is for you to figure out. Nobody else."
Thank you, Elizabeth, for this literal piece of soul-searching. I love all our journeys.
Your mother's response is wise, accurate, and entirely opposite of what some believe! I'm glad you had her good advice to lean on when you needed it. (Judgement alert: How 'bout that weirdo grade school kid?! 😂)
Thank you for sharing a bit [more] of your story with me, Stew, and for your willingness to walk nearby in my times of soul searching.
It's a brave person who brings religion into a conversation, but I always admire your courage and way with words and your desire to want to keep trying to listen to the other side of any story. I admit to finding that terribly hard these days.
If I follow any sort of belief system now, it is most likely Buddhism and I'm always encouraged by HH the Dalai Lama's guidances on listening with Loving Kindness.
You know what they say, Prue. Brave or stupid. 🤪 Not unexpectedly, a few subscribers made a quick exit after this one.
All we can do, is continue to try with whatever it is we are called to do, loving kindness perhaps at the top of the list. What I know of your pursuit of Buddhist disciplines is admirable. Maybe I'll get there someday. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
I forgot to say that I'm guessing your wonderful mentor may have been Barry. If so, happy 80th to an erudite man. His goodness shines in all his comments.
It is such a complicated world and now nonsensical, Prue. I've delved a bit into Buddhism and perhaps that is where my next delve takes me...thanks for the inspiration.
Many parallel experiences! Add to that the hypocrisy of the leadership of the ministry of my college involvement and I ,too, realized the judgement placed on the "believers" who were struggling with physical, emotional, and mental health issues. I now choose to believe in Fibonacci numbers, such perfection indicative of something greater than myself! I have found a Unitarian church that embraces all and works towards justice. We celebrate a flower ceremony on Easter Sunday, A ceremony that I recall began in Poland in 1923 with the pastor seeking a way to unite a diverse congregation , the flower communion an alternative to the Eucharist. It celebrates our interconnectedness, the importance of the individual's contribution to the community, and the beauty of nature. In 1942, the Nazis arrested the pastor. Even while starved and tortured, he continued to hold the flower ceremony, even with weeds gathered in the camp, A testimony to a beauty larger than themselves and love persisting even in despair. And in the end, isn't it what we all want? To walk side by side, holding each other's hands in this journey...
Oh, Susan, what a wonderful way to celebrate Easter! I have not heard of flower ceremonies before now and look forward to learning more. Thank you for the introduction. I'm glad that you found a community that feels right for you. Some of my dearest friends here are part of the Unitarian church in Easton. I've considered it a time or two, as have I thought about the Quaker Meeting, but thus far neither has felt like the best path for me.
Yes, having trusted souls who will witness and support our journeys and allow us to do the same in return is the highest kind of good.
Grateful for you being here, Susan. I appreciate you.
This might be my favorite essay of yours yet. I appreciated the light humor in what can be--is, really--such a heavy topic. Appreciated, too, the compassion you have for your younger self and for real dilemma leaving such a community poses for its members. I have two young women family members who belong to such churches, and if they left them they would lose all of their non-familial social supports (and a lot of familial ones, too). Both experienced great trauma as children, and I see the direct line between those experiences and the faith communities they chose as young adults. I worry for them, and I worry for the impacts those churches have on all of us now. The story you shared of the young woman being blamed for her own physical disability is everything about why I find such churches dangerous and abusive.
Such a thoughtful comment, Rita, thank you. 🩷 It is very difficult to be patient with another person's journey. I don't blame you for having concerns about those young relatives of yours, nor given what they've experienced, am I surprised they find comfort in the arms of a church like that. I can only hope they are the type to eventually question the power dynamics.
Lovely to see you here. I know how limited you are in the time you can spend online, so thank you for stopping by.
A beautiful tale of the widening of your beliefs, my friend.
It brings me to tears thinking how something that can be a source of such great comfort and connection can at once be a source of shame and pain. It seems so unnecessary.
I love that you have/had that youth pastor in your life.
So unnecessary! The recent loss of the church itself, building and all, has hit me much harder than I would have imagined, much of it generating from feeling powerless. I will never understand how people of the church convince themselves that it's okay to be exclusionary. The tagline on their homepage now reads "No matter who you are, you belong here." There is so much I could unpack there.
Having someone so solid and genuine as my pastor friend is one of the greatest good fortunes of my life!
As always, your skillful writing engages me from the first sentence, Elizabeth! And as it happens, we share the experience of running into and being influenced by radical Christians in our naive first forays outside the home as college freshmen (I wrote about my born-again roommate in my essay A Tale of Loving, Belonging, and Purpose).
Your title drew me in... I so identify with this piece... I too was brought up in Church- A different one, but still. VEry much embraced it till my 30's Reminded me of the good times, thanks there were some. Camp! prayer meetings, wow thanks for the memories
Ah, Diana, thank you! How fortunate we are to have good memories to hold from those days, right? When I look back, I am truly grateful to be able to have all of those experiences. I think it helps me understand the world, and the people in it, a little better. Really appreciate you reading and commenting. And I love the glasses you're wearing in your profile pic! :)
You told this with such honest clarity, Elizabeth. I can envision all your enlightment swirled up with being human and wanting to wreck another's toenails. Religion has always been a "take the parts you like and leave the rest behind" at best for me and stuff like that wheelchair manipulation stunt makes me crazy. Glad you have chosen the truly divine path, to think for yourself and act with loving kindness to all (except boyfriend stealers!)
Thanks, Eileen. The being human part sure kicks my butt sometimes. But I do feel much better situated spiritually these days. That said, were someone to steal my current "boyfriend," I'm sure I would drop into disappearing toenails mode in a skinny minute. 😈
Truly an engaging title, I made a fresh tea and settled in on this raining morning to absorb more of you. So many of us have an erratic journey with whatever Higher Power, (capitalized on purpose) or PowerS we may have come across! Such a large part of many childhoods often diminishes and then reasserts itself from what I have seen... for such an assortment of reasons.
I rode my bike by little St. John's down in Tilghman (1891) and it reminded me so much of where I attended as a child in the Adirondack mountains that I ventured there two summers ago. It is a unique non-denom group of strong believers indeed and I found a warm soft niche in what can be a prickly community for 'outsiders.' I occasionally make the drive to feel that inclusive welcome. Your story reminded me how uncommon those receptions are.
When I travel I opt to attend wherever I am for the pure experience of it all.
Thank you, Janice. It remains to be seen whether anything will reassert itself for me. Or maybe it already has? :)
I love your St. John's experience so much, regional prickliness making it all the more endearing. I love your idea of attending churches wherever you are without expectation other than what you can glean from it. Ultimately, I suppose that's the point (no matter what anyone says)!
Good to consider your insights and appreciate you sharing them.
Thanks for sharing Elizabeth. My belief and hope is that we are all capable of loving everyone and allowing each the freedom to live their lives in harmony with others that share this planet.
Thank you, Janet. That is certainly what I aspire to also, though as I admitted here, it can sometimes feel unattainable. I suppose the only thing we can't do is to stop trying!
Let's just say thank you for your words... Secondly, you were a wonderful and searching youth.... Lastly.....our souls are linked forever❤
Gah! It was my sincere pleasure to be able to put those words into something we can both keep, Barry. Linked forever indeed! Thank you, friend.
Wow! This stirs up so many memories of church-going, judgement, 'test-driving' and ultimately leaving organized religion behind. Having been raised Catholic (including Catholic grade school - I rebelled by HS) and sticking with it through young adulthood and parenthood it became clear that some things just weren't 'right'. I, too miss the days of thoughtless devotion -- it was easy, but with maturity and some true soulful consideration of how religion has not served us well in many ways, i look to the love, goodness and kindness i see in people to feed and steer my soul.
I appreciate these reflections, Deborah, and can admit that the stirring of memories for me also stirred up some big emotions, the sort we don't always realize are hiding inside until something gives us permission to let them flow. Your last sentence is everything!
Nicely written and is an experience many of us share. Growing up in the church, maturing and bringing our family to the church, then the politics and pettiness get in the way of worship and welcome. May our own Divine spirit be awake to the Divine spirit in all of God's creation.
Thank you Elizabeth.
Ah, Sarah, while I'm sorry you have had to face similar disillusionment in your church journey, I'm also comforted by the shared experience. Thank you for relating those thoughts here, and for the attention to the sacred connections available to us all.
Beautifully written. So very reminiscent of my own experience. Like you, my university dealings with the Church were rewarding until they weren’t. Judgemental Christianity is most definitely flawed. Jesus came to remind us that the core principle of any religion should be love, but so many seem to ignore that. It would be fascinating if it weren’t so sad. Thank you. A good read.
Yes, Beth, from a sociological point of view, a study of human behavior in the context of religion would never be dull. That humans consistently twist key tenets to justify exclusion and gatekeeping says a lot about our insecure egos. We sure have made a mess of a lot of situations in the name of God. Thank you so much for interacting and sharing part of your story here.
Wow. I had never even heard of the Charismatics Church. (I googled it. I see it's a real thing.) I can see (from your story) why your parents were worried you might have landed in a cult, and the healing.... how terrible for that person. Truly. I had also never heard of a "home church." (Also googled that.) Your (childhood) church -- with its long and beautiful hall and stained glass looks like a regular church/sanctuary to me? Just curious about the phrase.
This isn't a topic I talk about often -- But.... when I saw your title and subhead, I wondered what was coming -- what "straw" might have been the final one.
I watched a senior family member (who had been devout all her life, a choir member and soloist since a child) leave her church in the last few years over LGBTQ+ positions (because she has people in her family implicated by those views). I sometimes get a glimpse of how difficult that was for her and how much she gave up in leaving the "community" (I'm sure some would say "church family") she had always felt a part of.
Depending on where one lives, finding a more open church can be easy or impossible. In her case, impossible, and I think it's a source of great loss for her.
I am glad you have such good memories of that one special minister (and how wonderful to still be in touch and have that person as a reader).
Thanks for your careful read, Amy. I always appreciate that you do that. Church doctrine and naming conventions have got to be among the most taxonomically complicated of anything we've ever tried to label. I probably took unintentional liberties in this piece. To say a church is charismatic means its members have expectations for how they interact with and react to the Spirit. (By the way, I find that the capital letters are often just another form of imposing hierarchy, authority, or superiority.)
I see now that "home church" can be used to designate a church in a house or home. I was using it more like home team or what I associate with my home town. The church of my childhood is more accurate.
I am sorry for the rending of a long relationship for your family member. Yes a great loss. I respect their willingness to make that choice. Early on with this piece, I thought I might draw parallels between our religious and political identities, but I decided to not take that on just now. Suffice to say that asking someone to separate from either is asking them to part ways with both their belief system and their community. Thus it takes a tremendous crisis of conscience to push someone in that direction. As with complicated partners, we are often willing to forgive a lot of questionable behavior in the interest of maintaining the relationship as a whole.
My former pastor now friend is one of my life's best gifts!
Love that COMPLICATED PARTNERS comment ladies. YES. !!
You tackled a tough topic with characteristic equanimity. You seem to have touched a chord with many readers! When I was in grade school, a Charismatic classmate tried to evangelize me. He talked about heaven and hell. It was very upsetting, and I shared my distress with my mom. Her response has always been with me: "Never let anyone tell you about your relationship with God. That is for you to figure out. Nobody else."
Thank you, Elizabeth, for this literal piece of soul-searching. I love all our journeys.
Your mother's response is wise, accurate, and entirely opposite of what some believe! I'm glad you had her good advice to lean on when you needed it. (Judgement alert: How 'bout that weirdo grade school kid?! 😂)
Thank you for sharing a bit [more] of your story with me, Stew, and for your willingness to walk nearby in my times of soul searching.
It's a brave person who brings religion into a conversation, but I always admire your courage and way with words and your desire to want to keep trying to listen to the other side of any story. I admit to finding that terribly hard these days.
If I follow any sort of belief system now, it is most likely Buddhism and I'm always encouraged by HH the Dalai Lama's guidances on listening with Loving Kindness.
You know what they say, Prue. Brave or stupid. 🤪 Not unexpectedly, a few subscribers made a quick exit after this one.
All we can do, is continue to try with whatever it is we are called to do, loving kindness perhaps at the top of the list. What I know of your pursuit of Buddhist disciplines is admirable. Maybe I'll get there someday. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
I forgot to say that I'm guessing your wonderful mentor may have been Barry. If so, happy 80th to an erudite man. His goodness shines in all his comments.
It is such a complicated world and now nonsensical, Prue. I've delved a bit into Buddhism and perhaps that is where my next delve takes me...thanks for the inspiration.
Many parallel experiences! Add to that the hypocrisy of the leadership of the ministry of my college involvement and I ,too, realized the judgement placed on the "believers" who were struggling with physical, emotional, and mental health issues. I now choose to believe in Fibonacci numbers, such perfection indicative of something greater than myself! I have found a Unitarian church that embraces all and works towards justice. We celebrate a flower ceremony on Easter Sunday, A ceremony that I recall began in Poland in 1923 with the pastor seeking a way to unite a diverse congregation , the flower communion an alternative to the Eucharist. It celebrates our interconnectedness, the importance of the individual's contribution to the community, and the beauty of nature. In 1942, the Nazis arrested the pastor. Even while starved and tortured, he continued to hold the flower ceremony, even with weeds gathered in the camp, A testimony to a beauty larger than themselves and love persisting even in despair. And in the end, isn't it what we all want? To walk side by side, holding each other's hands in this journey...
Oh, Susan, what a wonderful way to celebrate Easter! I have not heard of flower ceremonies before now and look forward to learning more. Thank you for the introduction. I'm glad that you found a community that feels right for you. Some of my dearest friends here are part of the Unitarian church in Easton. I've considered it a time or two, as have I thought about the Quaker Meeting, but thus far neither has felt like the best path for me.
Yes, having trusted souls who will witness and support our journeys and allow us to do the same in return is the highest kind of good.
Grateful for you being here, Susan. I appreciate you.
This might be my favorite essay of yours yet. I appreciated the light humor in what can be--is, really--such a heavy topic. Appreciated, too, the compassion you have for your younger self and for real dilemma leaving such a community poses for its members. I have two young women family members who belong to such churches, and if they left them they would lose all of their non-familial social supports (and a lot of familial ones, too). Both experienced great trauma as children, and I see the direct line between those experiences and the faith communities they chose as young adults. I worry for them, and I worry for the impacts those churches have on all of us now. The story you shared of the young woman being blamed for her own physical disability is everything about why I find such churches dangerous and abusive.
Such a thoughtful comment, Rita, thank you. 🩷 It is very difficult to be patient with another person's journey. I don't blame you for having concerns about those young relatives of yours, nor given what they've experienced, am I surprised they find comfort in the arms of a church like that. I can only hope they are the type to eventually question the power dynamics.
Lovely to see you here. I know how limited you are in the time you can spend online, so thank you for stopping by.
It is always worth stopping by here! Sometimes it just takes me awhile to get here. 🙂
☺️ - and that is a-okay!
A beautiful tale of the widening of your beliefs, my friend.
It brings me to tears thinking how something that can be a source of such great comfort and connection can at once be a source of shame and pain. It seems so unnecessary.
I love that you have/had that youth pastor in your life.
So unnecessary! The recent loss of the church itself, building and all, has hit me much harder than I would have imagined, much of it generating from feeling powerless. I will never understand how people of the church convince themselves that it's okay to be exclusionary. The tagline on their homepage now reads "No matter who you are, you belong here." There is so much I could unpack there.
Having someone so solid and genuine as my pastor friend is one of the greatest good fortunes of my life!
As always, your skillful writing engages me from the first sentence, Elizabeth! And as it happens, we share the experience of running into and being influenced by radical Christians in our naive first forays outside the home as college freshmen (I wrote about my born-again roommate in my essay A Tale of Loving, Belonging, and Purpose).
Thank you, Don. We do have some commonalities, don’t we? Do you have any idea how that roommate of yours ended up?
I don’t. I couldn’t find him on Facebook. He was such a joyful and loving young flower child! I hope he stayed happy. 🙏
Your title drew me in... I so identify with this piece... I too was brought up in Church- A different one, but still. VEry much embraced it till my 30's Reminded me of the good times, thanks there were some. Camp! prayer meetings, wow thanks for the memories
Ah, Diana, thank you! How fortunate we are to have good memories to hold from those days, right? When I look back, I am truly grateful to be able to have all of those experiences. I think it helps me understand the world, and the people in it, a little better. Really appreciate you reading and commenting. And I love the glasses you're wearing in your profile pic! :)
I was brought up in a charismatic church, enough said. It can brain wash people
Yes, indeed. It sounds like you found a new path, Jane. Glad for you! Thanks for spending some time here today.
You told this with such honest clarity, Elizabeth. I can envision all your enlightment swirled up with being human and wanting to wreck another's toenails. Religion has always been a "take the parts you like and leave the rest behind" at best for me and stuff like that wheelchair manipulation stunt makes me crazy. Glad you have chosen the truly divine path, to think for yourself and act with loving kindness to all (except boyfriend stealers!)
Thanks, Eileen. The being human part sure kicks my butt sometimes. But I do feel much better situated spiritually these days. That said, were someone to steal my current "boyfriend," I'm sure I would drop into disappearing toenails mode in a skinny minute. 😈
Truly an engaging title, I made a fresh tea and settled in on this raining morning to absorb more of you. So many of us have an erratic journey with whatever Higher Power, (capitalized on purpose) or PowerS we may have come across! Such a large part of many childhoods often diminishes and then reasserts itself from what I have seen... for such an assortment of reasons.
I rode my bike by little St. John's down in Tilghman (1891) and it reminded me so much of where I attended as a child in the Adirondack mountains that I ventured there two summers ago. It is a unique non-denom group of strong believers indeed and I found a warm soft niche in what can be a prickly community for 'outsiders.' I occasionally make the drive to feel that inclusive welcome. Your story reminded me how uncommon those receptions are.
When I travel I opt to attend wherever I am for the pure experience of it all.
Thanks for always being your soulful self. J
Thank you, Janice. It remains to be seen whether anything will reassert itself for me. Or maybe it already has? :)
I love your St. John's experience so much, regional prickliness making it all the more endearing. I love your idea of attending churches wherever you are without expectation other than what you can glean from it. Ultimately, I suppose that's the point (no matter what anyone says)!
Good to consider your insights and appreciate you sharing them.