Oh, Elizabeth, I've only read this once and emotions are welling up--too many to make any sense of it, other than to say "I know! All of this!"
It should come as no surprise that, as 2024 arrives, I'm already becoming frantic about the November election. I've tried talking to myself, I've tried writing my concerns into my new journal, and I've already deleted tons of comments I thought sure I should be making but thankfully realized at the last minute that I wasn't helping, I was in fact lecturing, and I wasn't in a mood to come at it logically instead of murderously. (Figure of speech.)
And it's only early January.
I laughed at the misunderstandings of words in conversations, and I know I've done that many times, but I can't think of a single one, now. Darn!
So I'm going to read this again and I hope I remember some of what you've written here about being kinder, about thinking before I speak (write), about taking it easy on myself and others.
I have a feeling it's going to take some real work...
Love this! I did not see the pun coming in the Walmart story. (Of course, I had to hear you pronounce it. There is no mistaking both "Godfrey can" and "God freakin'." Good thing for that name tag, or a great joke would have been lost forever.
The example from Civil Discourse is an excellent reminder that we have options in every encounter. I'm glad this vet found a buddy and was "seen."
That was such an amazingly honest online exchange and I wonder if that's what we lose online - real, honest-to-God honesty. We can't see each other's expressions and we can't determine the real soul- truth of what we see written.
As for Godfrey - is he a saint, do you think? Saint Godfrey has a nice ring to it...
I read this last night, and I laughed at the opening story and the wonderful moments of mishearing and/or miscommunication that follow. We had something similar happen last weekend that I hope to draw up.... so it was funny to see your post come up. Tonight, back, I read more fully, and the comment exchange you cited as an example of the importance of finding common ground brought goose bumps. Thank you.
“Everyday, we stand on countless interpersonal fault lines, babbling Rings of Fire on the brink of conversational disaster. When things get wobbly, most of us manage to keep our shit together—stabilizing, soothing, regrouping. Except when we don’t. Then, shots are fired, and someone ends up getting hurt.” Perfect imagery!!! I open my mouth and sadly open fault lines .
Nailed it again, Elizabeth. The few times I have stayed the game in a conversation that was spiraling out of control by somehow realizing that there might be a way of understanding each other by rewording or gently saying I wanted to understand and not just force my way on them helped so very much. My buttons are often triggered but if I can stay calm and kind, we can achieve so much more. Thank you once again for your wisdom.
I am told that others perceive me as calm...my favorite candle this season came with an etching on the glass holder,"For those times when you just need to burn s*** down". I like the idea of St. Godfrey!
One writer I admire has couched this in the phrase "tell better stories." So often we immediately attribute negative characteristics to the other person in an interaction. And sometimes if we take time to listen we will hear the real reason behind their words or actions, but even when that insight isn't readily available, can we write a story in our mind that views the other person as 'tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, in pain' instead of 'pompous, ignorant, selfish' etc?
Oh, Elizabeth, I've only read this once and emotions are welling up--too many to make any sense of it, other than to say "I know! All of this!"
It should come as no surprise that, as 2024 arrives, I'm already becoming frantic about the November election. I've tried talking to myself, I've tried writing my concerns into my new journal, and I've already deleted tons of comments I thought sure I should be making but thankfully realized at the last minute that I wasn't helping, I was in fact lecturing, and I wasn't in a mood to come at it logically instead of murderously. (Figure of speech.)
And it's only early January.
I laughed at the misunderstandings of words in conversations, and I know I've done that many times, but I can't think of a single one, now. Darn!
So I'm going to read this again and I hope I remember some of what you've written here about being kinder, about thinking before I speak (write), about taking it easy on myself and others.
I have a feeling it's going to take some real work...
Godfrey. Yes!
Love this! I did not see the pun coming in the Walmart story. (Of course, I had to hear you pronounce it. There is no mistaking both "Godfrey can" and "God freakin'." Good thing for that name tag, or a great joke would have been lost forever.
The example from Civil Discourse is an excellent reminder that we have options in every encounter. I'm glad this vet found a buddy and was "seen."
That was such an amazingly honest online exchange and I wonder if that's what we lose online - real, honest-to-God honesty. We can't see each other's expressions and we can't determine the real soul- truth of what we see written.
As for Godfrey - is he a saint, do you think? Saint Godfrey has a nice ring to it...
XXXX
‘ babbling Rings of Fire on the brink of conversational disaster’- poetic perfection.
Thanks, E. (& Godfrey), this was wonderful.
I read this last night, and I laughed at the opening story and the wonderful moments of mishearing and/or miscommunication that follow. We had something similar happen last weekend that I hope to draw up.... so it was funny to see your post come up. Tonight, back, I read more fully, and the comment exchange you cited as an example of the importance of finding common ground brought goose bumps. Thank you.
I like yours better.
True and excellent article.
“Everyday, we stand on countless interpersonal fault lines, babbling Rings of Fire on the brink of conversational disaster. When things get wobbly, most of us manage to keep our shit together—stabilizing, soothing, regrouping. Except when we don’t. Then, shots are fired, and someone ends up getting hurt.” Perfect imagery!!! I open my mouth and sadly open fault lines .
Nailed it again, Elizabeth. The few times I have stayed the game in a conversation that was spiraling out of control by somehow realizing that there might be a way of understanding each other by rewording or gently saying I wanted to understand and not just force my way on them helped so very much. My buttons are often triggered but if I can stay calm and kind, we can achieve so much more. Thank you once again for your wisdom.
I am told that others perceive me as calm...my favorite candle this season came with an etching on the glass holder,"For those times when you just need to burn s*** down". I like the idea of St. Godfrey!
One writer I admire has couched this in the phrase "tell better stories." So often we immediately attribute negative characteristics to the other person in an interaction. And sometimes if we take time to listen we will hear the real reason behind their words or actions, but even when that insight isn't readily available, can we write a story in our mind that views the other person as 'tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, in pain' instead of 'pompous, ignorant, selfish' etc?