Oh, Elizabeth, I've only read this once and emotions are welling up--too many to make any sense of it, other than to say "I know! All of this!"
It should come as no surprise that, as 2024 arrives, I'm already becoming frantic about the November election. I've tried talking to myself, I've tried writing my concerns into my new journal, and I've already deleted tons of comments I thought sure I should be making but thankfully realized at the last minute that I wasn't helping, I was in fact lecturing, and I wasn't in a mood to come at it logically instead of murderously. (Figure of speech.)
And it's only early January.
I laughed at the misunderstandings of words in conversations, and I know I've done that many times, but I can't think of a single one, now. Darn!
So I'm going to read this again and I hope I remember some of what you've written here about being kinder, about thinking before I speak (write), about taking it easy on myself and others.
I have a feeling it's going to take some real work...
I'm right there with you, Mona. I've spent most of my adult life trying to curb a tendency (I think genetics are involved!) to run out into the street barking my head off. And the stakes always feel higher during election years, this one more than ever. A mantra I now hold is "What would Godfrey do?" It has a way of making everything feel just a little bit...more possible?
Love this! I did not see the pun coming in the Walmart story. (Of course, I had to hear you pronounce it. There is no mistaking both "Godfrey can" and "God freakin'." Good thing for that name tag, or a great joke would have been lost forever.
The example from Civil Discourse is an excellent reminder that we have options in every encounter. I'm glad this vet found a buddy and was "seen."
Tara, I so appreciate you reading and commenting. My friend Stephanie is in Texas, so you might want to imagine it with that drawl. I know I have a bit of a residual Southern accent, but I'm guessing it's not like the Walmart lady's. 😊 And yes - options at every turn. Breathe in. Breathe out. Ahh.
That was such an amazingly honest online exchange and I wonder if that's what we lose online - real, honest-to-God honesty. We can't see each other's expressions and we can't determine the real soul- truth of what we see written.
As for Godfrey - is he a saint, do you think? Saint Godfrey has a nice ring to it...
Someone I know in person told me once (before I added audio voiceovers) that my writing sounds like my talking. So, I like to believe that I show up similarly in both places. And I think most of my connections here are like that, though I can't be sure. Regardless, I'm sure it's not the norm. One foray into the comments on any politically charged news piece and you come away feeling like you need a hot bath and a martini. It's brutal. So, yes! Here's to honest-to-"Godfrey" honesty!! A saint indeed.
You always sound as if we are sitting across the table having a coffee.
As to the political debates - I learned to my detriment a number of years ago when I took an active environmental stance that online airways are basically sewers. The stench is appalling.
If our Godfrey isn't beatified, then perhaps we can do the honours.
I read this last night, and I laughed at the opening story and the wonderful moments of mishearing and/or miscommunication that follow. We had something similar happen last weekend that I hope to draw up.... so it was funny to see your post come up. Tonight, back, I read more fully, and the comment exchange you cited as an example of the importance of finding common ground brought goose bumps. Thank you.
Do draw! I would be keen to see how miscommunication shows up in your marvelous illustrations. As for the comment exchange, if you listen carefully to that part of the audio, you can hear the emotion in my voice as I'm reading that part. It moves me so deeply. So incredibly grateful to the man who took the time to notice.
“Everyday, we stand on countless interpersonal fault lines, babbling Rings of Fire on the brink of conversational disaster. When things get wobbly, most of us manage to keep our shit together—stabilizing, soothing, regrouping. Except when we don’t. Then, shots are fired, and someone ends up getting hurt.” Perfect imagery!!! I open my mouth and sadly open fault lines .
It's part of our human condition, as far as I can tell, Rena. Though I think it's possible to train ourselves away from it. Not easily. Not without continued mistakes. But, possible. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Nailed it again, Elizabeth. The few times I have stayed the game in a conversation that was spiraling out of control by somehow realizing that there might be a way of understanding each other by rewording or gently saying I wanted to understand and not just force my way on them helped so very much. My buttons are often triggered but if I can stay calm and kind, we can achieve so much more. Thank you once again for your wisdom.
I am told that others perceive me as calm...my favorite candle this season came with an etching on the glass holder,"For those times when you just need to burn s*** down". I like the idea of St. Godfrey!
Ha! Like Superman! "...disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter..." I think I'd display a candle like that quite gleefully, Susan. 😅 Here's to Godfrey! Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
One writer I admire has couched this in the phrase "tell better stories." So often we immediately attribute negative characteristics to the other person in an interaction. And sometimes if we take time to listen we will hear the real reason behind their words or actions, but even when that insight isn't readily available, can we write a story in our mind that views the other person as 'tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, in pain' instead of 'pompous, ignorant, selfish' etc?
So much yes, here, Rea. Tell better stories! It's terrible how often I turn myself or another into some kind of a villain. And it seems so easy to just gently shift those narratives. If only, right? Thanks for the comment. If you care to share which writer, I'd be interested to know.
ELIZABETH you helped make made my day GREAT with your recommendation. I'm honored indeed. Beyond honored, actually. When someone with your wit, creativity and talent sends their readers to me...well... I'm at a loss for words and I assure you that doesn't happen very often.
Chicken Scratch is one of my favorite weekly reads. The Substack Community is such a diverse, interesting and supportive entity! We must keep spreading the messages.
Oh, Elizabeth, I've only read this once and emotions are welling up--too many to make any sense of it, other than to say "I know! All of this!"
It should come as no surprise that, as 2024 arrives, I'm already becoming frantic about the November election. I've tried talking to myself, I've tried writing my concerns into my new journal, and I've already deleted tons of comments I thought sure I should be making but thankfully realized at the last minute that I wasn't helping, I was in fact lecturing, and I wasn't in a mood to come at it logically instead of murderously. (Figure of speech.)
And it's only early January.
I laughed at the misunderstandings of words in conversations, and I know I've done that many times, but I can't think of a single one, now. Darn!
So I'm going to read this again and I hope I remember some of what you've written here about being kinder, about thinking before I speak (write), about taking it easy on myself and others.
I have a feeling it's going to take some real work...
I'm right there with you, Mona. I've spent most of my adult life trying to curb a tendency (I think genetics are involved!) to run out into the street barking my head off. And the stakes always feel higher during election years, this one more than ever. A mantra I now hold is "What would Godfrey do?" It has a way of making everything feel just a little bit...more possible?
❤️❤️❤️
Godfrey. Yes!
Unsung heroes are everywhere, aren't they? I'm sure he has no idea! 😊
Love this! I did not see the pun coming in the Walmart story. (Of course, I had to hear you pronounce it. There is no mistaking both "Godfrey can" and "God freakin'." Good thing for that name tag, or a great joke would have been lost forever.
The example from Civil Discourse is an excellent reminder that we have options in every encounter. I'm glad this vet found a buddy and was "seen."
Tara, I so appreciate you reading and commenting. My friend Stephanie is in Texas, so you might want to imagine it with that drawl. I know I have a bit of a residual Southern accent, but I'm guessing it's not like the Walmart lady's. 😊 And yes - options at every turn. Breathe in. Breathe out. Ahh.
That was such an amazingly honest online exchange and I wonder if that's what we lose online - real, honest-to-God honesty. We can't see each other's expressions and we can't determine the real soul- truth of what we see written.
As for Godfrey - is he a saint, do you think? Saint Godfrey has a nice ring to it...
XXXX
Someone I know in person told me once (before I added audio voiceovers) that my writing sounds like my talking. So, I like to believe that I show up similarly in both places. And I think most of my connections here are like that, though I can't be sure. Regardless, I'm sure it's not the norm. One foray into the comments on any politically charged news piece and you come away feeling like you need a hot bath and a martini. It's brutal. So, yes! Here's to honest-to-"Godfrey" honesty!! A saint indeed.
You always sound as if we are sitting across the table having a coffee.
As to the political debates - I learned to my detriment a number of years ago when I took an active environmental stance that online airways are basically sewers. The stench is appalling.
If our Godfrey isn't beatified, then perhaps we can do the honours.
I rather like him... he can be our patron saint.
‘ babbling Rings of Fire on the brink of conversational disaster’- poetic perfection.
Thanks, E. (& Godfrey), this was wonderful.
Friend, I've heard you speak. I know the cadence of your words. There is so much thinking. So, thank you! 🧡
I read this last night, and I laughed at the opening story and the wonderful moments of mishearing and/or miscommunication that follow. We had something similar happen last weekend that I hope to draw up.... so it was funny to see your post come up. Tonight, back, I read more fully, and the comment exchange you cited as an example of the importance of finding common ground brought goose bumps. Thank you.
Do draw! I would be keen to see how miscommunication shows up in your marvelous illustrations. As for the comment exchange, if you listen carefully to that part of the audio, you can hear the emotion in my voice as I'm reading that part. It moves me so deeply. So incredibly grateful to the man who took the time to notice.
I like yours better.
Funny. I like yours better.
True and excellent article.
“Everyday, we stand on countless interpersonal fault lines, babbling Rings of Fire on the brink of conversational disaster. When things get wobbly, most of us manage to keep our shit together—stabilizing, soothing, regrouping. Except when we don’t. Then, shots are fired, and someone ends up getting hurt.” Perfect imagery!!! I open my mouth and sadly open fault lines .
It's part of our human condition, as far as I can tell, Rena. Though I think it's possible to train ourselves away from it. Not easily. Not without continued mistakes. But, possible. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Absolutely. Training and God’s pruning is also a joy towards self improvement. Great essay
Nailed it again, Elizabeth. The few times I have stayed the game in a conversation that was spiraling out of control by somehow realizing that there might be a way of understanding each other by rewording or gently saying I wanted to understand and not just force my way on them helped so very much. My buttons are often triggered but if I can stay calm and kind, we can achieve so much more. Thank you once again for your wisdom.
And you yours! "Wanting to understand" is such a powerful place to begin.
I am told that others perceive me as calm...my favorite candle this season came with an etching on the glass holder,"For those times when you just need to burn s*** down". I like the idea of St. Godfrey!
Ha! Like Superman! "...disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter..." I think I'd display a candle like that quite gleefully, Susan. 😅 Here's to Godfrey! Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
One writer I admire has couched this in the phrase "tell better stories." So often we immediately attribute negative characteristics to the other person in an interaction. And sometimes if we take time to listen we will hear the real reason behind their words or actions, but even when that insight isn't readily available, can we write a story in our mind that views the other person as 'tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, in pain' instead of 'pompous, ignorant, selfish' etc?
So much yes, here, Rea. Tell better stories! It's terrible how often I turn myself or another into some kind of a villain. And it seems so easy to just gently shift those narratives. If only, right? Thanks for the comment. If you care to share which writer, I'd be interested to know.
We all need a little help.
ELIZABETH you helped make made my day GREAT with your recommendation. I'm honored indeed. Beyond honored, actually. When someone with your wit, creativity and talent sends their readers to me...well... I'm at a loss for words and I assure you that doesn't happen very often.
Chicken Scratch is one of my favorite weekly reads. The Substack Community is such a diverse, interesting and supportive entity! We must keep spreading the messages.
Whoop whoop.
J
Ah, thank you, Janice! Spreading messages of diversity and support is something I can easily get behind.