Actually, I’m not stressed, because I climbed a mountain this evening. A strange thing happened a few months ago. The more I walked, the better my BP, even at the doctor’s office. Then my BP med and some other things didn’t arrive with me at the PCT trailhead, so I was a couple of weeks without it.
On the way back home a few days ago, we stayed overnight at the Grand Hotel Las Vegas and the next morning, I discovered I was the guest of honor at a banquet. I went to the doc when I got home for advice on how to get rid of the raspberry skin and when the nurse check my BP, it was right on normal.
So the moral of the story, at least for me, is to live outside, walk for hours with a load on my back, and do it until I’m so tired I can’t stay up past 8, rinse, and repeat.
Thanks, Mary. I was very surprised by two things: (1) That no one told me to mind my own business (or something similar) and (2) that most people seemed to take the stressors they had--some of them pretty significant--in stride.
I love this! I find those questions intrusive and don't like the thought they could end up in some database somewhere. Don't they read like something a lawyer could use to our detriment? If an insurance company has access, I suspect why those questions are asked. :)
I think most everything I might put on a medical intake form could be discovered through other channels. Like I said, I'm under no illusions. Data privacy is an artifact of the technological revolution.
On a happier note, I loved how the question played out, too, and didn't really give a lot of forethought to how it invited response in a way that "how are you" does not. Humans are complicated, and fascinating. Thanks so much for adding to the conversation, Teri.
Dang, Elizabeth. Way to stick the landing. I didn't quite have to blot my own eyes, but there was a lump in my throat I had to swallow around.
I'm admiring your bravery in asking so many people such a potentially heavy question; I think I would be afraid to ask that question for fear of offending or making someone uncomfortable, but now I'm remembering that what most of us want is to feel seen and heard. You must have conveyed that you were truly interested in the answer, to get such honest responses. I'm thinking also of how I feel when a cashier asks me what my plans for the day are, when they clearly are not interested and are following a mandated script) I'm thinking also of an essay I read yesterday by Joshua P. Hill--"Who Killed the Social Contract?" (https://www.jphilll.com/p/who-killed-the-social-contract) and of an earlier piece you wrote about the potential power of us simply talking with each other. That's a lot of dot connecting for an early Wednesday morning, but I'm coming to expect that as a response to your words.
Even though I'm more introverted than not, I can lean into this kind of thing for a short while. I have so much faith in real communication! And anyway, I softened it a bit by explaining that I'd just been asked the same question on a survey the night before, so maybe that helped hitch it to a wagon that wasn't entirely mine, you know? I truly was interested in the responses, and I suppose that came through somehow, though I didn't set out to convey it.
I read the Hill piece just now and will circle back there to comment on it (along with so many others!) later this evening. I'm not sure I entirely agree with all that he writes, but clearly it is a common refrain these days. I can, however, get fully behind the need to rebuild our shared stories and values. In fact, that's the heart of my unofficial survey, and, as you note, of other thoughts I've put forth here. I'm so grateful to have people who are willing to ride this magic carpet with me! Thanks for being here, Rita.
You don't hear "befouled" used nearly enough these days, lol, so thanks for that alone! A great piece and lots to recognize. I think what strikes me the most is the fact that someone (you) was actually *listening* to their answers. Many times people ask "How are you?" as they are literally walking away or not even waiting for a response. It's such a caring thing to ask and then genuinely listen. Well done, you. (Also, loved your response to the alcoholic beverage questionnaire haha, soooo true).
In all honesty, I didn't much consider my part in it all, or at least not in some gallant fashion. But I agree that earnestness is key. I appreciate it when I feel it coming from others, so it's easy to emulate that, I suppose.
Shall we find fun ways to work "befouled" into our everyday conversations this week? 😅
I'm surprised so many people said they aren't stressed; I feel like everyone is stressed these days. Between the state of the world and the ongoing saga with my elderly parents, I certainly am! And it bugs me that we're supposed to engage in stress relief instead of changing the systems that stress us so much. But I'm glad you found some people who aren't feeling it!
I have a theory, Rosana, that humans reflect what they find themselves among. So much of social media and news is about what a sh*t show we're in. But I sense that everyday people going about their everyday lives are often less angry and less frazzled than it appears. That's not meant to diminish our very, very real issues. Only to emphasize that it's harder to voice a "Hey, maybe things aren't so bad?!" among the throngs of discontented. Individually, though, people want to feel connection, want to feel noticed. And we can all offer that to each other.
I might be rambling. I hope that makes some sense. :)
You are definitely making sense! I do think you're right about humans reflecting what we find ourselves among. I also think many people are very stressed, not just because of the insane political stuff going on but also because of how hard it is for so many people to get by these days in our society, both financially and in terms of how much is on people's plates — especially those with children and/or elderly parents.
No doubt, life is hard, hard, hard. I can't, with authority, say that it hasn't always been that way. We've persisted through some very dark times. All we can do, imo, is try to hold each other up.
I was laughing a bit when I started to read your trials with modern medical forms - I’m still learning how to enter the verification codes that I need to enter from either phone or email, and not lose the original form I needed to enter the code to. I feel your frustration with our paperless,on the go, convenience (not)
Your deep humanity humbles me :that you bravely ask perfect strangers if they are feeling stressed ,when I’m just now getting comfortable engaging in conversations with strangers wherever I am , makes me a little stressed!! Thank you for being a wonderful example of what we as humans can do for each of our fellow travelers through life
I learned from my people, Melody. My family of origin was (is) filled with folks who aren't afraid to chat it up. My mother was a true extrovert. I'm decidedly not. But it's still a model I'm familiar with, and that makes it less uncomfortable.
I agree, though, that we can all approach this kind of thing in ways that feel accessible to us. It won't look the same for you as it does for me, but you hit the nail on the head with "fellow travelers." We're all on the same planet and we can all lend a hand.
SUCH a beautiful post, Elizabeth - thank you for this delight of a story - what a brilliant question to ask, and you're clearly a wonderful listener. I hope the tests show everything to be as it should be.
And therein is the lesson - there are always folk whose days are harder than mine. So I remind myself to take each day, each hour as it comes. It's hard...
PS: On various hospital visits I think I've been asked no less than 5 times before the procedures - name, birthdate, (all this when wearing an identifying hospital bracelet) why am I there (if they don't know, then I'm sunk!), what previous procedures (I'm 72 and it goes back to tonsils at 10 years) and what meds I might be on (stop the gurney, it's in my handbag in the locker!). By the time they wheel me to theatre or whatever, my BP is usually in the stratosphere!
Yes, always someone out there who can bring us needed perspective. Except maybe when we're in the throes of the medical system. Where is the attitude adjuster then, when we most need one?! It is a process that is easy to dislike, for sure!
My BP runs on the low side, but few of my doctors know that! Haha!
I try to cooperate and do the early check in, but it seems I’m usually asked to fill out forms anyway.
Do I feel stressed? No, even when I learned I had lung cancer. It was removed and no further treatment necessary. And it was discovered by accident. It was out of my control. And I’ve been very fortunate to have been in good health and am in good health now. And my family is ok. If that wasn’t the case, I’d be stressed.
Wow, Suzanne. I'm not confident I would be able to remain calm with a tricky diagnosis like that, but I know it's the best thing to do. I am, however, right there with you when it comes to carrying the burdens of my family. I have a strong streak of wanting to control even what I know I can't. I've spent a lifetime trying to unlearn that! I'm SO glad you are okay now. The world is better with you in it!
I don't think there is any way I could have done this.... I'm impressed that you did... and the answers, in all, are so heartwarming and grounded. I wonder if "stressed" isn't the word we use these days? A lovely experiment, Elizabeth. You probably made several people's day simply by asking and stopping to listen for an answer. (I saw you confirmed in another comment - glad things are well.)
Ah, Amy. No need for your path to look just like mine. Gee, you confirmed this over on Illustrated Life today, didn't you? :grin: I think we do what feels right for us. As long as we keep ourselves pointing north (so to speak). And I can assure you, it did not feel particularly impressive going into it. Just a funny little notion that turned out to be more important than I ever imagined. Reassuring, all the way around.
Beautifully rendered page from your life, Ms Beggins. Just lovely. You must have a way of asking that question that invites reflection and reply.
I'm wondering: What are other, deeper, ways we can greet each other? How ya doing? is so pedestrian, but meets some need. Somewhere on earth (I forget where) the typical greeting is the equivalent of "I honor the god in you." "And I you."
I'm reminded, tangentially, of a quote often attributed to Philo of Alexandria: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Thanks, as always, for the gentle thoughts and methods that are part of the kindness you bring to light, Elizabeth.
Thanks, Stewart. Interesting to consider how to deepen our interactions, starting with how we greet people. Maybe what needs to shift if our intention. What if we ask 'How ya doing?" but make eye contact long enough to elicit a real response? What if we add a name, when we can? ("Stewart! How ya doing?") Or maybe we just rearrange the order a smidge? ("Stewart! Hi! Are you doing okay?") Anything to sever its ties to the mundane.
That greeting sounds a lot like the closing used in some of my yoga classes: The light in me sees and honors the light in you.
Really beautiful, thank you. And thanks for your Note that reminded me of your audio recording - it was so moving to hear these stories.
It also felt to me like your some of respondents talked more because they were curious about why they did or didn’t feel stressed at that moment- it’s a good question to consider, I think.
Oh, so glad you've (re)discovered the audio, Robin! I have a notion to go back and record the ones that don't have that option, but it's going to take a good little while to carve out the time. You could be spot on about the curiosity. It sure felt like they appreciated the opportunity to surface some of what they were holding, whether that was because it gave them a reason to check in with themselves, or because it felt good to have someone there to acknowledge it, or both. Definitely something we could all do for ourselves at any given time. Might help initiate a reset, when needed. Thanks for your thoughts!
I recall the popular and eventually overused phrase “There’s an app for that.” As for stress, for better or worse, apparently there’s a gummie for that. 🤷🏼♂️
Ha! I did not see that coming! For what it's worth, my little exercise here turned out to be a terrific mood booster. In case you end up in a non-compliant country 😬
And they wonder why we all have high blood pressure at a doctor’s office, when it was just fine at home yesterday morning.
Mr. Switter, are you feeling stressed today? Maybe that should be a regular intake question! 😅
Actually, I’m not stressed, because I climbed a mountain this evening. A strange thing happened a few months ago. The more I walked, the better my BP, even at the doctor’s office. Then my BP med and some other things didn’t arrive with me at the PCT trailhead, so I was a couple of weeks without it.
On the way back home a few days ago, we stayed overnight at the Grand Hotel Las Vegas and the next morning, I discovered I was the guest of honor at a banquet. I went to the doc when I got home for advice on how to get rid of the raspberry skin and when the nurse check my BP, it was right on normal.
So the moral of the story, at least for me, is to live outside, walk for hours with a load on my back, and do it until I’m so tired I can’t stay up past 8, rinse, and repeat.
Your beautiful wordsmithing is making me feel so many things this morning. Thank you.
But hopefully not stressy things! I appreciate you reading, Roe. You've got a lot of other priorities, I know!
Such a simple question, glad you asked.
Thanks, Mary. I was very surprised by two things: (1) That no one told me to mind my own business (or something similar) and (2) that most people seemed to take the stressors they had--some of them pretty significant--in stride.
Thanks for commenting.
I love this! I find those questions intrusive and don't like the thought they could end up in some database somewhere. Don't they read like something a lawyer could use to our detriment? If an insurance company has access, I suspect why those questions are asked. :)
PS I also loved how that same question played out when you asked it. Much better than how are you?
I think most everything I might put on a medical intake form could be discovered through other channels. Like I said, I'm under no illusions. Data privacy is an artifact of the technological revolution.
On a happier note, I loved how the question played out, too, and didn't really give a lot of forethought to how it invited response in a way that "how are you" does not. Humans are complicated, and fascinating. Thanks so much for adding to the conversation, Teri.
Dang, Elizabeth. Way to stick the landing. I didn't quite have to blot my own eyes, but there was a lump in my throat I had to swallow around.
I'm admiring your bravery in asking so many people such a potentially heavy question; I think I would be afraid to ask that question for fear of offending or making someone uncomfortable, but now I'm remembering that what most of us want is to feel seen and heard. You must have conveyed that you were truly interested in the answer, to get such honest responses. I'm thinking also of how I feel when a cashier asks me what my plans for the day are, when they clearly are not interested and are following a mandated script) I'm thinking also of an essay I read yesterday by Joshua P. Hill--"Who Killed the Social Contract?" (https://www.jphilll.com/p/who-killed-the-social-contract) and of an earlier piece you wrote about the potential power of us simply talking with each other. That's a lot of dot connecting for an early Wednesday morning, but I'm coming to expect that as a response to your words.
Even though I'm more introverted than not, I can lean into this kind of thing for a short while. I have so much faith in real communication! And anyway, I softened it a bit by explaining that I'd just been asked the same question on a survey the night before, so maybe that helped hitch it to a wagon that wasn't entirely mine, you know? I truly was interested in the responses, and I suppose that came through somehow, though I didn't set out to convey it.
I read the Hill piece just now and will circle back there to comment on it (along with so many others!) later this evening. I'm not sure I entirely agree with all that he writes, but clearly it is a common refrain these days. I can, however, get fully behind the need to rebuild our shared stories and values. In fact, that's the heart of my unofficial survey, and, as you note, of other thoughts I've put forth here. I'm so grateful to have people who are willing to ride this magic carpet with me! Thanks for being here, Rita.
You don't hear "befouled" used nearly enough these days, lol, so thanks for that alone! A great piece and lots to recognize. I think what strikes me the most is the fact that someone (you) was actually *listening* to their answers. Many times people ask "How are you?" as they are literally walking away or not even waiting for a response. It's such a caring thing to ask and then genuinely listen. Well done, you. (Also, loved your response to the alcoholic beverage questionnaire haha, soooo true).
In all honesty, I didn't much consider my part in it all, or at least not in some gallant fashion. But I agree that earnestness is key. I appreciate it when I feel it coming from others, so it's easy to emulate that, I suppose.
Shall we find fun ways to work "befouled" into our everyday conversations this week? 😅
Thanks, Sue. Great to think alongside you.
Beautiful. I'll have to try asking that.
I'm surprised so many people said they aren't stressed; I feel like everyone is stressed these days. Between the state of the world and the ongoing saga with my elderly parents, I certainly am! And it bugs me that we're supposed to engage in stress relief instead of changing the systems that stress us so much. But I'm glad you found some people who aren't feeling it!
Oh, do let me know how it goes if you try!
I have a theory, Rosana, that humans reflect what they find themselves among. So much of social media and news is about what a sh*t show we're in. But I sense that everyday people going about their everyday lives are often less angry and less frazzled than it appears. That's not meant to diminish our very, very real issues. Only to emphasize that it's harder to voice a "Hey, maybe things aren't so bad?!" among the throngs of discontented. Individually, though, people want to feel connection, want to feel noticed. And we can all offer that to each other.
I might be rambling. I hope that makes some sense. :)
You are definitely making sense! I do think you're right about humans reflecting what we find ourselves among. I also think many people are very stressed, not just because of the insane political stuff going on but also because of how hard it is for so many people to get by these days in our society, both financially and in terms of how much is on people's plates — especially those with children and/or elderly parents.
No doubt, life is hard, hard, hard. I can't, with authority, say that it hasn't always been that way. We've persisted through some very dark times. All we can do, imo, is try to hold each other up.
I was laughing a bit when I started to read your trials with modern medical forms - I’m still learning how to enter the verification codes that I need to enter from either phone or email, and not lose the original form I needed to enter the code to. I feel your frustration with our paperless,on the go, convenience (not)
Your deep humanity humbles me :that you bravely ask perfect strangers if they are feeling stressed ,when I’m just now getting comfortable engaging in conversations with strangers wherever I am , makes me a little stressed!! Thank you for being a wonderful example of what we as humans can do for each of our fellow travelers through life
I learned from my people, Melody. My family of origin was (is) filled with folks who aren't afraid to chat it up. My mother was a true extrovert. I'm decidedly not. But it's still a model I'm familiar with, and that makes it less uncomfortable.
I agree, though, that we can all approach this kind of thing in ways that feel accessible to us. It won't look the same for you as it does for me, but you hit the nail on the head with "fellow travelers." We're all on the same planet and we can all lend a hand.
So appreciate your presence here!
SUCH a beautiful post, Elizabeth - thank you for this delight of a story - what a brilliant question to ask, and you're clearly a wonderful listener. I hope the tests show everything to be as it should be.
Awesome. xxx
Yes, all results normal, thankfully. And I'm also grateful that none of my test subjects decided to take out their stress on me! 😊
Yay! And yay again! xxx
And therein is the lesson - there are always folk whose days are harder than mine. So I remind myself to take each day, each hour as it comes. It's hard...
PS: On various hospital visits I think I've been asked no less than 5 times before the procedures - name, birthdate, (all this when wearing an identifying hospital bracelet) why am I there (if they don't know, then I'm sunk!), what previous procedures (I'm 72 and it goes back to tonsils at 10 years) and what meds I might be on (stop the gurney, it's in my handbag in the locker!). By the time they wheel me to theatre or whatever, my BP is usually in the stratosphere!
Yes, always someone out there who can bring us needed perspective. Except maybe when we're in the throes of the medical system. Where is the attitude adjuster then, when we most need one?! It is a process that is easy to dislike, for sure!
My BP runs on the low side, but few of my doctors know that! Haha!
I try to cooperate and do the early check in, but it seems I’m usually asked to fill out forms anyway.
Do I feel stressed? No, even when I learned I had lung cancer. It was removed and no further treatment necessary. And it was discovered by accident. It was out of my control. And I’ve been very fortunate to have been in good health and am in good health now. And my family is ok. If that wasn’t the case, I’d be stressed.
Wow, Suzanne. I'm not confident I would be able to remain calm with a tricky diagnosis like that, but I know it's the best thing to do. I am, however, right there with you when it comes to carrying the burdens of my family. I have a strong streak of wanting to control even what I know I can't. I've spent a lifetime trying to unlearn that! I'm SO glad you are okay now. The world is better with you in it!
I don't think there is any way I could have done this.... I'm impressed that you did... and the answers, in all, are so heartwarming and grounded. I wonder if "stressed" isn't the word we use these days? A lovely experiment, Elizabeth. You probably made several people's day simply by asking and stopping to listen for an answer. (I saw you confirmed in another comment - glad things are well.)
Ah, Amy. No need for your path to look just like mine. Gee, you confirmed this over on Illustrated Life today, didn't you? :grin: I think we do what feels right for us. As long as we keep ourselves pointing north (so to speak). And I can assure you, it did not feel particularly impressive going into it. Just a funny little notion that turned out to be more important than I ever imagined. Reassuring, all the way around.
Beautifully rendered page from your life, Ms Beggins. Just lovely. You must have a way of asking that question that invites reflection and reply.
I'm wondering: What are other, deeper, ways we can greet each other? How ya doing? is so pedestrian, but meets some need. Somewhere on earth (I forget where) the typical greeting is the equivalent of "I honor the god in you." "And I you."
I'm reminded, tangentially, of a quote often attributed to Philo of Alexandria: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Thanks, as always, for the gentle thoughts and methods that are part of the kindness you bring to light, Elizabeth.
Thanks, Stewart. Interesting to consider how to deepen our interactions, starting with how we greet people. Maybe what needs to shift if our intention. What if we ask 'How ya doing?" but make eye contact long enough to elicit a real response? What if we add a name, when we can? ("Stewart! How ya doing?") Or maybe we just rearrange the order a smidge? ("Stewart! Hi! Are you doing okay?") Anything to sever its ties to the mundane.
That greeting sounds a lot like the closing used in some of my yoga classes: The light in me sees and honors the light in you.
So glad you're here.
Really beautiful, thank you. And thanks for your Note that reminded me of your audio recording - it was so moving to hear these stories.
It also felt to me like your some of respondents talked more because they were curious about why they did or didn’t feel stressed at that moment- it’s a good question to consider, I think.
Oh, so glad you've (re)discovered the audio, Robin! I have a notion to go back and record the ones that don't have that option, but it's going to take a good little while to carve out the time. You could be spot on about the curiosity. It sure felt like they appreciated the opportunity to surface some of what they were holding, whether that was because it gave them a reason to check in with themselves, or because it felt good to have someone there to acknowledge it, or both. Definitely something we could all do for ourselves at any given time. Might help initiate a reset, when needed. Thanks for your thoughts!
Super duper fantastic post. Thank you.
😊 Thanks, Mary! It was definitely an experience to remember.
I recall the popular and eventually overused phrase “There’s an app for that.” As for stress, for better or worse, apparently there’s a gummie for that. 🤷🏼♂️
Ha! I did not see that coming! For what it's worth, my little exercise here turned out to be a terrific mood booster. In case you end up in a non-compliant country 😬